Rice vs. Louisiana State University

He knew he was destined for greatness early in his life. He spent his free time playing mumbly peg with dim-witted quadrupeds. In his high school yearbook, he appears as the captain of the Schizophrenia Club. Lest his cherished 0.2 grade point average be wasted, he plots for the blackmail of the principal and earns the title of valedictorian for life.

Idi then goes away to Uganda A&M University, where he majors in civil disobedience. He works at odd jobs to make money, spending his weekends working as a tailgunner on a banana truck. It was during this period that he met the first of his several hundred wives. She was a patient recuperating from a prefrontal lobotomy, but she could not resist his passionate overtures. Her name was Digwhat and, after a brief honeymoon, Idi and Digwhat Amin made their home in a late model Cadillac.

Then disaster struck. A civil war broke out, and the flowers of Uganda's youth were wiped out in the fighting – half-brother against half-brother. A V.D. epidemic spreads through the country as well, but young Idi – largely because of the resistance he had developed – spurns the penicillin he is offered. He takes over command of the rebel troops from a field post in Israel, where he is given the nickname "coon ass."

With the war over, Idi runs for president against the late incumbent. Thanks to his clever politicking, he had 5 times more votes than the entire population of Uganda. Under his leadership, the biggest domestic industry is that of the undertakers. The literacy rate has fallen, etc. The MOB has formed the new national flag of Uganda: two loose screws on a field of ignorance.