Rice vs. University of Houston

Ladies and Gentlemen:
In honor of the newest member of the Southwest Conference, The MOB would like to salute the "other" university in town – known affectionately by its initials as "UH" or "You Hoo!"

The MOB would like to congradulate the Bougars [sic] on their fine record this season – it's about time somebody's team got LUCKY! The winner of today's game will receive the Bayour Bucket [sic]. We're not sure what comes in the bucket – maybe enough (breast and thighs) drumsticks and coleslaw to feed the winners. Speaking of chicken, the loser will play the Houston Oilers to determine who will receive a map of La Grange autographed by Maaaaarvin Zindler!

The MOB took a trip to the Cougar campus to find out more about our sister school. Unfortunately, we were unable to find a place to park! So we took a survey and found there were 2,500 more cars than students enrolled on campus. We suspect that the U of H campus is where they store the cars used to clog the Gulf Freeway in the afternoons! To salute this mess, the MOB has formed and [sic] empty parking space and plays "It's Impossible."

We stumbled upon registration which seems to be a recreation of Napoleon's Retreat from Russia. In a huge oval room, the masses file in endless circles, the silence broken by cries for water and the screams of deranged students who find themselves with five 8:00 classes. Under the watchful eye of friendly, efficient, and helpful administrators; students and the computer play a "friendly" version of the Match Game. Watch now as the MOB reenacts what it saw.

Today's game marks several historic first [sic], one of which the MOB finds quite remarkable. How often have YOU played an away game in your own stadium?

The MOB has pondered this curious situation for at least thirty seconds and we feel there are two answers:
One – we want the parking receipts,
Two – playing in Rice Stadium would enable The MOB to perform its show in a safe and secure setting, without andy [sic] worry of outside inter --

[deep voice]
The band will now play Dragnet.

[wait 10 sec.]
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Mob is finished, you enjoyed it, and you wil [sic] now clap.

GOOD DAY!!