Texas Christian University vs. Rice

In the beginning, He made the heavens and the earth, and liking the way it looked, decided to call it a day. On Wednesday, He made the grasses in the field, and the poppies in the meadow, and the peyote cactus in the desert. Before the weekend came, He fashioned Man out of twigs and topsoil, and breathed life into him with the Holy Bicycle Pump. For now it was all passably good. Being a bit bored with good, He created the not-quite-as-good, and called His handiwork ... "Frog."

Due to an oversight, Frog was forgotten when Man and Woman were giving names to all the animals; and since Cecil, Francis, & Kermit were already taken, Frog decided to earn himself the name Conniving Scoundrel. So Frog led Woman to believe that partaking of the forbidden fruit would pave the way for clothing, and lipstick, and hydraulic orange juicers; and she did bite. Upon which a voice thundered down from a large cardboard cloud (prop):

"O crafty Frog, from henceforth thy name shall be Horned Frog, and thou shalt spend thy days hopping around on thy belly, getting shredded by lawnmowers and mashed by tractor trailers."

Despised as they were, Frog and his offspring refused to be kept down on the pond. Note how Joseph was sold into slavery for his coat of many frogs. After many weeks in the ark, remember how Noah trusted a frog to search for dry land, and its triumphant return with a lilly pad in its mouth. Baby Moses himself was found on the river among the bullfrogs, and later plagued Egypt with a pestilence so unclean and disgusting that the Pharaoh let the Israelites depart before everyone got covered with warts.

After many generations of this, the frogs looked forward to a day when they would not be the standard of everything repulsive in the world. They could not understand why wanton women should be called Prostitoads, or why thieves should be whipped with a frog-o'-nine-tails. They protested the charge that Frogs spread leprosy, when anyone with a ganglia in his head knew that leprosy came from eating unwashed vegetables. Great was the Frogs' relief when word arrived that someone important was on a mount preaching, "Blessed are the spotty little reptiles, for they shall inherit free samples of Compound W."

At last, there were flies at the end of the tunnel. Maybe the Frogs would not always wind up as food for owls. Maybe they would not always suffer the humiliation of mean children sticking lit firecrackers in their mouths. Maybe, just maybe, there was such a thing as ... Frog Heaven.