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[The MOB starts from off the field.]
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight the MOB will present a hard-hitting look at some of the most cruel, vicious, heartless, and even rude people around – the original "Ruthless People." But, before we begin we must warn you that our show contains descriptions of various acts soooo graphic...
"How graphic are they?"
... They're so graphic that Edwin Meese put 15 pages about the MOB in his new book.
The MOB runs onto the field
007 (James Bond Theme)
L I B Y A
The antics of Colonel Moammar Gadhafi have outraged the entire world, except maybe non-European travel agencies. While sponsoring international terrorism, he drew a line of death and then double-dared the United States to cross it. But, the Mad Dog of the Middle East was BARKING up the wrong tree.
He should have known that nobody double-dares the Gipper ... uh ... I mean, nobody double-dares the United States and gets away with it!
Danger Zone
Aircraft stage a dogfight on field.
garbage truck
Recent Houston budget problems showed us the ruthless side of Mayor Kathy Whitmire. To save money, she canned some garbage collectors and refused to listen to the complaints of the others – so, they walked out. Some concerned Houstonians pitched in to pick up solid waste. A group that's usually slinging it at each other: the City Council.
The Show Assistants trash the field, with the Mayor in a human-drawn trash-chariot.
Ease on Down the Road
Theme from JAWS
MOB sneaks into a pre-formation...
Tax reform used to be like the weather – everyone talked about it but no one ever did anything. Congress finally did something. They produced a tax reform bill that handles tax problems simply — the taxpayer simply gets screwed.
[pause]
Once again, John Q. Public will have to face the ruthless American agency that even Gadhafi fears — the I-R-S.
MOB snaps to...
I R S
IRS agents holding giant screws run after taxpayers while the band plays.
Money For Nothing
During song, band changes to:
1040
The MOB cleans up its act and goes to form...
script "Rice"
Another ruthless Houstonian slings tr– ... uh ... hash for the Rice Food Service. Students have been eating Joyce's "food" for years. To keep the student body healthy, a computer system reads I-Ds to prevent O-Ds on things like baked fish, meat loaf, brisket, pork chops teriyaki, roast beast au shoes, twice baked potatoes, radioactive meatballs, chicken p'sketti, hydraulic turkey and hydraulic ham, pepperoni lasagna, spinache quiche, hockey pucks, and any of the infinite-hang-time desserts. Rice students will have to continue to PASS on meals, and anyone looking for good food will have to TRY AGAIN.
MOBsters fall dead, graphically, one-by-one, in domino effect, with a gong smash at the end of 'E' in 'Rice'.
But on the Rice campus, even food-service victims are resurrected by the lilting strains of one particular song...
One-by-one, MOBsters return to life playing:
Louie, Louie
[Band leaves the field.]
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MOB Scripts are the intellectual property of Rice University and various contributors.
Publication in whole or part, in physical or electronic form, is expressly prohibited
without prior, written consent.
