University of Texas - Austin vs. Rice

For its first 150 years, Texas was on top of the world. Life was good in the Lone Star State and many thought the prosperity, like Darrell Royal, would last forever...

Then came Akers... and acres of trouble. A calamity so frightening that it made children scream, women swoon, and grown men pass out naked in the back yard. For the first time, Texas faced the unthinkable: Lots of oil – and NO MONEY. The worst depression since the closing of the Chicken Ranch.

[in same rhythm as in the song]
Texas has a deficit in it!

The State Legislature was called into special session to solve our money problems. They answered the big questions as only they can: Who's to blame for this?

"HE IS!"

Who's going to pay for this?

"YOU ARE!"

In this way the legislature passed many bills — on to you.

In searching for the quick fix, Gib Lewis, Speaker of the Texas House, announced that he had found — within the state — an enormous — untapped — pool – of pure money:

... the Permanent University Fund.

But you were not amused.

The problem of finding a source of money remained. The Aggies thought they had the answer when they planted a stick and dollar bill into the ground, and watched hopefully. But no one had the heart to tell them that money doesn't grow on trees.

[MOB arrives in racetrack formation.]
The Legislature thinks a dog and pony show can raise money. Horse racing may be a gamble, but it's a safe bet that State Government has already gone to the dogs.

[loudly, in the style of Elmer J. Fudd]
Be vewwy, vewwy quiet – we'ah hunting wabbits!

The federal government has a great way to make money: they print it. They tend to get somewhat upset when someone else tries this. The MOB offers a simple solution that lets us roll our own: SECEDE. Yeah, that's the ticket...

Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the new National Anthem of Texas.