Attention! Attention! Attention!
On behalf of Rice University, we would like to thank you for attending today's double attraction of sports and music. The best of Southwest Conference Football will continue after we present what you really came here to see and hear. Ladies and gentlemen, the group that has entertained thousands with their musical talent and gift for fun. Let's have a warm welcome for the amazing audio and vivid... vibrant... visceral... visual sensation, (just beginning their concert tour here in Rice Stadium)...
Enter from fringes of field; when settled, drums start GO RICE! cheer.
which changes to...
M O B
[MOB faces pressbox; at end of song, scatters to...]
Glenn Miller, Benny Goodman, and Count Basie were the big names in the big bands of the past, but today one of the biggest names of a truly BIG band is The Goin' Band From Raiderland. This band is big.
It's verrry big.
It's soooo big...
"How big is it?"
It's soooo big it couldn't afford the bus fare to Houston...
And here's the MOB!
The trombone's slide (formation) extends and retracts. Repeat.
At the end of the song, MOB scatters to...
a musical staff with an eighth note
[MOB continues facing pressbox]
During the reading of the following script, MOBsters fall asleep one-by-one...
Our next selection is by Giacchimo Antonio Rossini; born in 1792 and died in 1868. A Deutsche-Grammaphone recording of his Overture from the opera The Barber of Seville, Opus 17. The full opera was first performed on February 20th, 1816, to poor reviews, and has not been heard from since...
"Get on with it!"
The overture's popularity in America is due solely to the efforts of cartoon opera star Bugs Bunny. Today we hear the overture performed by the Symphonic Owl Band of Rice University, under the (mis)direction of Maestro Kenneth Dye.
Also available on compact disc.
Barber of Seville
The eighth note changes to a treble clef with notes running about.
At end of song, MOB scatters to...
[MOB faces students]
The new wave of morality in America has shown a concern for the possible link between rock music and devil worship. The MOB will leave no stone unrolled in its efforts to prove that it's NOT a band to show sympathy for the devil. Naturally, the MOB only performs songs with simple words...
[pause] ... or nothing intelligible at all...
[eight cowbell beats]
Ed. note: this would normally start Louie, Louie
Sorrrry, just teasing...
Jumpin' Jack Flash
Rock-musician-types leap from speaker boxes.
At end of song, MOB (still facing students) forms...
If you think you're good and ready, we'll go on.
NO... James Watt
[MOB cringes in fear]
Remember him? He thought that certain performers could attract an undesirable element...
an undesirable element like —
[MOB points at Rally Club in the stands]
To prevent any such problem here, The University has plans to initiate a drug–testing program for anyone engaged in extra-curricular activities, including the athletic teams, the cheerleaders, and the MOB... the MOB! Uh-oh...
[MOB screams in abject terror while cringing even more]
Now waaaaaaaitt a minute...
The squiggles formation changes to straight lines.
This is a test. For the next 100 seconds this band will conduct a test of the First Ever In Rice Stadium After Game Concert's About To Begin Warning System.
This band, in voluntary cooperation with University officials, is conducting this test in order to provide you with a fair warning that the Beach Boys post-game concert is about to begin. When you hear this tune after the game, please get comfortable for the beginning of the concert.
This is only a test...
MOB exits field to student side while playing.
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MOB Scripts are the intellectual property of Rice University and various contributors.
Publication in whole or part, in physical or electronic form, is expressly prohibited without prior, written consent.