US Air Force Academy vs. Rice

Ladies and gentlemen, you just saw the Marching Falcons, representing the United States Air Force Academy. They were brought here by military charter at government expense. Your tax dollars hard at work.

Regardless of what you might think, at least the Air Force band is really in the military, and not just playing soldier... ...like the Aggies.

Each year the IRS collects billions and billions of your tax dollars. Haven't you ever wondered what the IRS does with all the money they collect? Well... ...now you know.

Hmmff: The MOB's entire season cost less than the jet fuel to get their band here.

The Reagan Administration has committed itself to letting private industry take over unprofitable government agencies. That's why the government decided to get rid of its most deficit-ridden department – the Air Force. There was only one problem – even Frank Lorenzo wouldn't buy it. However, after weeks of intensive and highly-classified talks, the government finally did the only thing it could. The Air Force was traded to Iran for hostages to be named later.

The skies above us are not so friendly any more, with both superpowers working on space-based defense systems. The United States has its 'Star Wars' program, intended to place an anti-missle shield over this nation. Whether Ronnie's RAY-GUN will work is being debated, but already the program has produced one tangible result. It has succeeded in creating the world's first black hole... ...for money.

Five years ago, the government figured out a way to save money for the salaries of air-traffic controllers. They fired them. In desperation the FAA replaced them with graduates of the air-traffic controller school at Texas A&M. They only had to hire six for each airport – one to look at the radar screen and five to yell the commands out of the control tower window.

How many times has this happened to you? You're in mid-flight, soaring above the clouds, when the stewardess suddenly announces that the plane is landing immediately, because the airline has just declared bankruptcy. Why?? Any oil company executive can tell you... Chapter 11 – really – will...

"Save you money!!!"