Texas Tech University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium – Houston, Texas

September 15, 2007

The War in the Middle Yeast

Introduction

Announcer:

Some time ago, Texas Tech banned its students from tossing tortillas at home football games — especially those containing rocks.

So we asked ourselves: what could happen when you have thousands of leftover tortillas?

Music:

drum intro

MOB:

"Go Rice!"

Field Action:

Band takes the field from the sidelines.

Text Display:

The MOB

Enchi-NOD-as

Announcer:

Wiess College could announce this year's theme for the infamous Night of Decadence party: ENCHI–NOD-AS. The Texas Restaurant Association reminds you that "Eating Out is fun!"

Give a prize to the best costume made entirely of: tortillas – refried beans – salsa – and guacamole.

The good news is: you can eat it after the party.
The bad news: your friends might start early.

Formation:

N O D

Music:

U + Ur Hand

Field Action:

Three Show Assistants wear "naked" suits under tortilla-based clothing. Others come along and devour said clothing, leaving a few bashful partiers looking for their dignity.

Text Display:

Enchi-NOD-as

[after music starts, switch to...]

Text Display:

South of the border. Spicy!

Save me, Cheesus!

Announcer:

And now for an update on the Tech Tortilla Travesty, we go to correspondent Taquita Ortega, in the field.

"Taquita":

Peter, I'm here on the east side of Rice Stadium, where a faction believing only in flour tortillas – Al-Quesadilla – is threatening to wage cheese-had. The opposing corn tortilla sect – who insist their goals are entirely peaceful – urge all tortilla lovers to "praise the maize."

Peter, all of Humanity hungers for peaceful and delicious co-existence, but many experts fear continued outbreaks of sectarian chile-con-carnage.

From the sidelines, this is Taquita Ortega.

Formation:

concentric circles, representing a target

Music:

Mortal Kombat Theme

Field Action:

Corn tortillas, worshiping their corn god, are interrupted by an attack from the flour-based Al-Quesadilla group. They respond with a thorough taco shelling.

Text Display:

Weapons of Mass Digestion

The Flying Tortilla Monster

Announcer:

Just as we lost all hope for peace, Humanity spots a being upon high. — Could it be? What other creature so intelligent and designed could cast down such a cheesy appendage?

Yes! It must be! The Flying Tortilla Monster has come to intervene!

Formation:

peace sign

Music:

Hallelujah Chorus tag

Field Action:

The Flying Tortilla Monster descends from the east upper deck at approximately midfield.

Text Display:

Flying Tortilla Monster!

The Wrap

"Taquita":

Mister Tortilla Monster, Mister Tortilla Monster!

This is Taquita Ortega from K-M-O-B channel forty-two news. The people need to know. Your flatness, do you have anything to say to the people listening?

Announcer:

[in a deep voice, as the Tortilla Monster]
Yes, I come to bring peace and harmony to all the tex-mex of the world. But I say to you, Texas Tech Fans, who dare scorn — and throw — my children: EAT ME.

Music:

Evil Ways

Text Display:

You want some queso with that?

"Taquita":

Wait, wait! Is this the end?

Announcer:

Yes... you could say that's the whole enchilada.

Music:

Louie, Louie

Field Action:

Band exits the field.

Text Display:

tolerance@rice.edu