Tulane University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium – Houston, Texas

November 17, 2007

Squirrels

written by the Class of 2011

Intro

[ The 2007 Freshman Show ]

Announcer:

With Hollywood writers on strike, studio executives have scoured the country in search of talent. Anyone watching Reality T-V knows – there isn't any. Left only with a thousand squirrels on a thousand typewriters, there's only so much we can expect.

Music:

drum intro

MOB:

"Go Rice!"

The Squirrel Bride

Announcer:

First, The Squirrel Bride! An epic tale of "wuv, twoo wuv," where the Dread Squirrel Roberts scales cliffs, fights Inigo Montoya, and confronts Vizzini in a battle of wits.

[Note: Rice's President Leebron sounds a lot like Vizzini.]

Leebron:

You've fallen victim to one of the classic blunders, the greatest of which is to never get involved in a land war in Asia; but only slightly less known is this: Never go against a squirrel when nuts are on the line.

Formation:

a mug of Grog

Music:

Theme from Pirates of the Caribbean

Video Display:

(still image) "Squirrel Bride" movie poster

Field Action:

Rodents of unusual size and Inigo Montoya fencing. A squirrel in black with a smask saves Butternut.

Harry Potter

[the following read in the style of a movie trailer]

Announcer:

In a world of magic and macadamias...
Where Quidditch teams compete for the golden nut...
A dark lord Squirreldemort continues to assemble his furry legions to take over the wizarding world.

It's up to Harry and his friends to do the impossible: stop evil while handling their teenage angst. See the next installment of the series in: Harry Potter and the Chestnuts of Fire!

Formation:

a lightning bolt

Music:

School's Out

Video Display:

(still image) "Harry Potter and the Nuts of Fire" movie poster

Field Action:

A Quidditch match, complete with a flying squirrel from the upper deck that grabs the Golden Nut to end the game.

Indiana Jones

Announcer:

Coming soon, like it or not:
Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones and the Nuts of Doom.

See Indy chase squirrels from his lawn.
See Indy race to Luby's for the Lu-Ann Platter.
And, see Indy's most dangerous adventure yet: his prostate exam.

Formation:

a fedora

Music:

"Indiana Jones" (tag), segues into "Evil Ways"

Field Action:

A giant acorn rolls out of the (real) tunnel and wreaks havoc across the football field.

Announcer:

And this year's pre-teen sensation:
High Squirrel Musical! Get your nuts in the game!

Formation:

n u t s

Music:

Louie, Louie

Field Action:

Exit the field.