[ The 2007 Freshman Show ]
With Hollywood writers on strike, studio executives have scoured the country in search of talent. Anyone watching Reality T-V knows – there isn't any. Left only with a thousand squirrels on a thousand typewriters, there's only so much we can expect.
First, The Squirrel Bride! An epic tale of "wuv, twoo wuv," where the Dread Squirrel Roberts scales cliffs, fights Inigo Montoya, and confronts Vizzini in a battle of wits.
[Note: Rice's President Leebron sounds a lot like Vizzini.]
You've fallen victim to one of the classic blunders, the greatest of which is to never get involved in a land war in Asia; but only slightly less known is this: Never go against a squirrel when nuts are on the line.
a mug of Grog
Theme from Pirates of the Caribbean
(still image) "Squirrel Bride" movie poster
Rodents of unusual size and Inigo Montoya fencing. A squirrel in black with a smask saves Butternut.
[the following read in the style of a movie trailer]
In a world of magic and macadamias...
Where Quidditch teams compete for the golden nut...
A dark lord Squirreldemort continues to assemble his furry legions to take over the wizarding world.
It's up to Harry and his friends to do the impossible: stop evil while handling their teenage angst. See the next installment of the series in: Harry Potter and the Chestnuts of Fire!
a lightning bolt
(still image) "Harry Potter and the Nuts of Fire" movie poster
A Quidditch match, complete with a flying squirrel from the upper deck that grabs the Golden Nut to end the game.
Coming soon, like it or not:
Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones and the Nuts of Doom.
See Indy chase squirrels from his lawn.
See Indy race to Luby's for the Lu-Ann Platter.
And, see Indy's most dangerous adventure yet: his prostate exam.
"Indiana Jones" (tag), segues into "Evil Ways"
A giant acorn rolls out of the (real) tunnel and wreaks havoc across the football field.
And this year's pre-teen sensation:
High Squirrel Musical! Get your nuts in the game!
n u t s
Exit the field.
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