University of North Texas vs. Rice

Rice Stadium – Houston, Texas

September 27, 2008

An Extended Simile

Introduction

Announcer:

Good evening, Houston! We're glad to see that you came through Ike still standing and energized, even if your house isn't. You're in for a treat: this is "Join The MOB" day, so please welcome: The High School for the Performing and Visual Arts

You can blame them if we sound louder, better, or – for that matter – sober.

Music:

drum intro

MOB:

"Go Rice!"

Field Action:

Band takes the field.

Puppets

Announcer:

Foreclosures, bankruptcy, and seven-hundred billion dollars in bailouts: it's no secret, there's a group of financial masterminds manipulating the market.

Your sense of discomfort stems from being played like a puppet — and from where they shoved their hands.

Formation:

face of Kermit The Frog

Text Display:

It's not easy saving green.

Music:

Muppet Show Theme

Field Action:

Show Assistants atop the (small) box-on-wheels pair act as puppeteers, controlling other SAs below who must sign bills, accept bribes, and do other such stupid things.

Transylvania

Announcer:

Lost in all the political hype this year is our one true chance to bring change in government. Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, of the Vampyres, Witches, and Pagans Party has declared his candidacy.

"Unlike other candidates," he claims, he won't "hide [his] evil side." Just imagine what Washington could be if it were infected by honest politicians.

Formation:

B A T

Text Display:

Promise: A Bat in Every Belfry.

Music:

Rock You Like a Hurricane

Field Action:

A political train is followed by a band of bloodsucking vampires who attack musicians and convert them to the dark side. The skit ends with a fly-up (the first ever) of a bat silhouette.

Pageant

Announcer:

Actually, what this election resembles most is a beauty pageant. The contestants wear phony smiles, spout rehearsed answers, and get disqualified at the first sign of intelligence.

Formation:

a beauty pageant runway and stage

Text Display:

Still better than Miss Teen South Carolina

Music:

Pipeline

Field Action:

A beauty pageant. — Three pageanteers (Joe Biden, Sarah Palin, and John McCain) enter, performing tricks (baton twirling, streamer dancing, juggling) and are then scored by three judges.

UNT Grads

Announcer:

Of course, we'd like to recognize the wonderful folks from U-N-T. Did you know that they have the largest school of music in the country? They provide thousands of graduates whose talent and creativity allows them to truly serve our community.

So, the next time you meet a North Texas grad, please remember to tip your waiter.

Text Display:

Benefits Nat'l Endowment for the Arts

Music:

Louie, Louie

Field Action:

Leave the field.

Announcer:

Ladies and gentlemen, the two-thousand eight Marching Owl Band! We do weddings, bah mitzvahs, and — according to The Backpage — each other.