Marshall University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium – Houston, Texas

November 22, 2008

Half-Baked

Introduction

Sound FX:

static (approx. 3 seconds)

Announcer:

And that was "Static," from John Cage's new album, "White Noiz." Welcome to K-T-R-U, where we take the time to thank our DJs — and our loyal listener. And now, the news.

Music:

drum intro

MOB:

"Go Rice!"

Field Action:

Band runs onto the field.

Announcer:

Today, the world has its first Human-Buffalo hybrid. This bio-engineering project was conceived at a Marshall house party. The union combines the size of a buffalo with the inclination of a man.

They say necessity is the mother of invention, but in this case we hope the invention's mother was the bison.

MOB:

"That's disgusting!"

Formation:

E W W

Text Display:

Now that's a labor of love?

Music:

U + Ur Hand

Announcer:

Before the credit crunch, General Motors ran ads introducing their future line of energy-efficient and environmentally-friendly vehicles. But since America no longer has homes to mortgage for S-U-Vs, the only "green" project in Detroit is the one aimed at your pocketbook. In the end, we expect G-M stock to go down faster than a narcoleptic skydiver.

Formation:

profile of a car driving with a flat rear tire

Text Display:

Pull the cord in 3... 2... zzzzzz

Music:

School's Out

Announcer:

This year, celebrities around the nation are sharing their methods of cooking the Thanksgiving turkey:

Dick Cheney roasts his gobblers with a flamethrower ... right in the face!

Hillary Clinton uses a conventional oven for her turkey, but the hard part is getting her to concede when it's done.

Finally, Cheech and Chong admitted they don't know how to cook a turkey, but they sure know how to get one baked.

Formation:

turkey leg

Text Display:

Stuff turkey with 'special' dressing, serve with munchies.

Music:

Sell Out

Announcer:

Earlier this month, the Baylor College of Medicine sought relief from a peculiar ailment. A thorough examination revealed a parasite in the monetary stream, causing Baylor to bleed dollars profusely. Despite regular applications of soothing Federal grants, these fiscal hemorrhoids require urgent care — an exceedingly large dose... of Preparation Rice.

Formation:

B C M

Text Display:

Rice considers turning head, coughing up dough.

Music:

Muppet Treasure Island

Announcer:

Did you know that Marshall University has one of the top forensic science programs in the country? That's impressive, considering that forensic science is so difficult in West Virginia:

Where there are no dental records, and they haven't found any new D-N-A in years.

Text Display:

CSI:WV — it's always the first-cousin who dun it.

Music:

Louie, Louie

Announcer:

Ladies and gentlemen, the two-thousand eight Marching Owl Band! We'll be leading the H-E-B Holiday Parade on Thanksgiving morning, so tune-in to watch our special performance!