Ladies and gentlemen, in the spirit of the holidays, The MOB presents toasts and r-r-r-roasts! The best – and worst – of two-thousand eight in Houston, Texas.
Band runs onto the field.
First, a toast to David Bailiff and Kevin Sumlin. These coaches have what it takes to give Houston two bowl-bound teams this season. But a roast of Gary Kubiak, coach of the Texans. This year's team would be lucky to play in the toilet bowl.
Ten circles in a bowling-pin arrangement (pin 1 faces the south endzone tunnel)
Texans should stop buying off-brand Wheaties™
A large "bowling" ball rolls out from the tunnel toward the band. It proceeds to knock down the band — a strike — which kills the music.
Next we roast coaches Todd Graham and Art Briles. Their departures to religion-based schools may seem a bit holier-than-thou — but nothing could be "holier" than the gaps in their defense. Speaking of Tulsa, we propose a toast to the Golden Hurricanes; they left a great impression of themselves ... buried in the turf of Robertson Stadium.
a sprawled stick-figure man
Baylor: Where the "Hail Mary" is a defensive prayer.
A Show Assistant dressed as a Tulsa player enters the field, where others dressed as Houston Cougars are waiting with a rope. The Tulsa player trips, falls face-down, and stays down for the count.
Finally, a roast of Hurricane Ike and all the heartless bureaucrats in Washington D-C who left our city reeling in curfews... blackouts... and floods!
But a toast to all Houstonians — the compassion of Cougars and Owls alike helped get our city back on its fet. Space City, give yourselves a round of applause!
Hurricane Ike circles the heart; it is then expunged by Cougars and Owls working in tandem.
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
And this is the point in our show where we toast U-H...
Because our offense is already roasting you.
[score: Rice up 35-21 at the half, 56-42 final]
Keep your paws to yourself.
Ladies and gentlemen, a toast to the two-thousand eight Rice University Marching Owl Band! We're going to a bowl game — who's with us?!
The UH-Rice rivalry took on a new dimension in 2008. After 3 straight years of Coog victories, the two teams met on Thanksgiving weekend with a trip to the conference championship on the line. The Coogs needed only a victory; the Owls, led by the fearsome threesome of Chase Clement, Jarrett Dillard, and James Casey (THOR!), needed a victory and a loss by the Tulsa Golden Hurricane to move on. UH had just demolished Tulsa 70-30; Rice had not failed to score at least 40 points a game while riding a 5 game winning streak.
Given the fact that this was the first time the two schools met with so much on the line, I thought a show that celebrated the city of Houston and our schools was in order, so I eschewed the "Cougar High" jokes. The result was this show, which got laughs, applause, and appropriate boos throughout.
To tell the truth, the Texans, which started the season 3-7, won 5 of their last 6 to finish 8-8 in a season hampered by Hurricane Ike. But the first segment still got a good response. The giant beach ball "bowling" through the band was funny and whimsical and got several good comments. The second segment, hitting Todd Graham, Art Briles, and Tulsa, went over spectacularly. The third segment got a nice round of applause.
The final line before Louie was a "game-time" decision...if we were losing, we just had a mediocre placeholder. But with the Owls leading 35-21 at the half, a nice short zinger about the Coog football team received a great response from the Rice side and somewhat good-natured boos from the Coogs. I was little worried about upsetting the football weauxf gods with that one. But since THOR! is one of the football weauxf gods, I needn't have worried. The Owls built a 56-28 lead and won comfortably, 56-42.
After the game, we received several compliments from both Owl and Coog fans, and some hearsay comments about Coogs wondering, "Hey, the MOB didn't make fun of us!"
Unfortunately, Tulsa knocked off Marshall with a late field goal, 38-35, and the Owls were denied their shot at the conference championship. But a 9-3 season was the best in many years. And there was still one more game to go!
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