Vanderbilt University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium – Houston, Texas

September 26, 2009

Copy Cat Commodores

Introduction

Announcer:

The MOB welcomes Vanderbilt to Rice Stadium for our families' weekend. We here at Rice were intrigued by the news that Vandy is forming a Residential College system just like ours. First you took away Jess Neely, then you took the Houston Oilers, and now the colleges. We wonder... what will you take next?

MOB:

"Go Rice!"

Field Action:

Band enters the field from the sidelines.

Residential Colleges

Announcer:

Rice's Residential Colleges are named for famous donors. We encourage Vanderbilt to name its colleges after former students like Al Gore, and the enticingly-named John Jay Hooker. We eagerly await the competitive cheers you'll use at your version of Beer Bike: the Sweet Tea Equestrian Race. May we suggest:
"Hooker's got that rama-jama,"
and "Gore almost wins again!"

Formation:

T X

Music:

William Tell Overture

Announcer:

Sheee's four lengths out.
She's three lengths out.
Ready. Set. Sip, sip, sip.

Formation:

T N

Text Display:

Jones, Hooker College says it gets $20 per goat.
Hooker stole my BVDs. Ooh! Ahh!
Death from below!

Field Action:

A horse race. SAs dressed as chuggers for the race begin by slowly sipping tea. Costumed horses line up and run the slowest race in history.

Announcer:

And it looks like Hooker comes out on top!

Par-tay

Announcer:

At Rice, students strip down to their underwear one night a year and partake in what we call the Night of Decadence. In Vandy's version, we imagine you stripping down to petticoats and knickers when you get it on at the Night of Northern Aggression — where the South won't be the only thing to rise again.

Formation:

a pair of men's briefs

Music:

The Stripper

Text Display:

Vandy's North/South college rivalries are divisive.
Hey soldier, under this petticoat I'm only wearing five layers.
It's all about the states' rights... to par-tay!
End goal: form a more perfect union. All night long.

Field Action:

SAs in period clothing host a party, rambunctious by 1880s standards. Drunkenness and reveille ensue.

Nobel Laureates

Announcer:

In the realm of science, however, Rice and Vandy seem evenly matched. While academia may always remember Rice professor Richard Smalley's discovery of Buckyballs and nanotubes... laypeople everywhere seem obsessed with Vanderbilt alumnus Al Gore's invention of a different series of tubes...

But at least our Nobel Laureate didn't drop out.

Formation:

C₆₀

Music:

Pomp and Circumstance,
Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 2

Text Display:

Divinity: FAIL.
Law: QUIT.
What's left? POLITICS!

Field Action:

Two computer scientists connect a computer to the internet, the former of which then explodes, causing injury to one of the scientists. Paramedics rush out and attend to the computer, ignoring the nerd.

Family

Announcer:

Did you know that twenty percent of Rice students marry other Rice alumni? That's similar to Tennessee, where twenty percent of the population marries within the same family tree.

Of course, five percent of those are Vandy legacy admits.

Text Display:

You can't complain if it's true.

Music:

Louie, Louie

Field Action:

Exit the field.

Announcer:

Ladies and gentlemen, the two-thousand nine Marching Owl Band. Tomorrow's captains of industry and leaders of the free world. Join us at mob.rice.edu