[STILL: Slide 1] Time Warp
In a freak accident between pipe cleaners and a stolen nuclear warhead, The MOB finds itself transported one thousand years into the future.
Band takes the field.
[STILL: Slide 2] Campus Life
Things are very different on campus:
- A new college is under construction on the former site of new–New-NEW Old Wiess.
- Beer Bike now involves jet packs.
- Residents of Jones College have been banned from all petting zoos since the "Just say nay-y-y" act of twenty thirty-eight.
- And Virgin's Walk has been conquered by Plan B: The Morning-After Walk
[STILL: Slide 3] Virgin's Walk
A Show Assistant propels himself around the field in a CO2-powered "jet pack."
In the future of sports, Rice still plays college football, but U-T went pro and has been undefeated against the Houston Texans for the last two centuries. Meanwhile, the seventeenth clone of Wayne Graham won his sixth consecutive College World Series, bringing the family total to six-hundred thirteen.
[STILL: Slide 4] Wayne Graham & Clones
Eye of the Tiger
Several Wayne Graham clones play a baseball game, cheered on by other Wayne Graham clones in cheerleader costumes.
[STILL: Slide 5] Black Hole
As you can imagine, there has been much progress in one thousand years. Rice is entering its final very-last-ever round of merger negotiations with the Baylor College of Medicine. And with the recent discovery of quantum black holes, we have a scientific answer to the age old question:
What time is it?!
"Who cares? Hanszen still sucks!"
[STILL: Slide 6] What time is it?
Theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey
A Hanszen-labeled black hole sucks in two scientists... because that's what Hanszen does: suck.
Of course, some things never change. Parking fees increase faster than the rate of inflation, and yet it's still quicker to walk from your car than wait for a shuttle bus.
Script "Rice" falls down in order, domino-style.
[STILL: Last Slide] Homecoming King/Queen
Ladies and gentlemen, by a vote of the student body, The MOB is proud to present the two-thousand nine homecoming court:
- The homecoming king is: H-1-N-1, the swine flu.
- The homecoming queen is: Kanye West
There you have it, the best homecoming court of all time. Of all time.
Copyright © 2000-2013 Rice University — All rights reserved.
MOB Scripts are the intellectual property of Rice University and various contributors.
Publication in whole or part, in physical or electronic form, is expressly prohibited without prior, written consent.