University of Texas - El Paso vs. Rice

Rice Stadium – Houston, Texas

November 21, 2009

Come to El Paso... Please?

Announcer:

And now, a paid presentation brought to you by the city of El Paso. Buenas tardes, gente de Houston! Tired of the oppressive humidity, hectic pace of life, and vibrant culture of your home town? Check out El Paso, where you can get away from it all! Really. All. Of. It.

Music:

(drum intro)

MOB:

"Go Rice!"

Field Action:

Band enters the field from the sideline.

Announcer:

The city of El Paso has plenty to offer. For example, half its inhabitants are national record-holders! According to TotalBeauty.com, the city is home to the nation's "ugliest men." So ladies, come to El Paso and never get hot or sweaty — ever again.

Formation:

The State of Texas

Music:

Walk Like a Man

Field Action:

A deeply disturbing beauty pageant.

Announcer:

Of course, moving to El Paso is not for the faint of heart. The leading causes of injury in El Paso are: boredom and the giant mine shaft on the UTEP campus. Coincidentally, boredom and giant shafts are also the leading causes of pregnancy.
[pause]
It just goes to show that you should always wear a helmet.

Formation:

♂ ∪ ♀

Music:

Live or Let Die

Field Action:

Babies are delivered on field from a stork flying down from the upper deck.

Announcer:

Some detractors fault El Paso for its location near the Mexico border. But, as a result, El Paso really does have a vibrant cultural scene – and we mean more than talking chihuahuas and supreme gorditas. For example, you can visit Southeast Oxidation Pond Number Two... or for a more relaxing evening, grab your date – and some Cheetos – and watch the grass grow... in the basement!

Formation:

Logo of: El Paso, Inc. (lowercase 'e' and 'p' topped by an angled 'hat')

Music:

25 or 6 to 4

Field Action:

Excited tourists watch paint drying, grass growing, and pot boiling.

Announcer:

The El Paso Chamber of Commerce wants your vote to decide the new city slogan.

Option one: "El paso, the number one reason UTEP students graduate early!"

And option two: "The only thing that takes longer than getting there is getting anywhere else!" Please text in your answers, now.

Sound FX:

Jeopardy! Theme (~5 sec.)

Announcer:

And the winner is: "El Paso, where miners go in shafts, and shafts go in–"

Hey, I see what you did there.

Music:

Louie, Louie

Field Action:

Band exits the field.

Announcer:

Ladies and gentlemen, the two-thousand nine Marching Owl Band: proudly crossing lines – and borders – since nineteen seventy.