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Today's halftime is brought to you by Rice University's Unconventional Wisdom. Who knew you could just sell a radio station without telling anyone?
(drum intro)
"Go Rice!"
Band enters the field.
As many of you know, the University of Texas has founded its own T-V station: the Network for University of Texas Sports. So join us for this inaugural broadcast, and get your first look... at NUTS!
N U T S
Still slide (01): NUTS logo
[skip slide 02]
a "ta-da!" flourish
The daytime schedule aims for the soap opera demographic that most sports networks miss. Stay tuned for new shows like:
As The Offense Turns,
All My Linebackers,
and, for the offensive linemen, The Big and The Bulky
It's the essence of football: mindless, dramatic, low-brow entertainment.
Love Potion No. 9
Show Assistants assemble and deploy a broadcast tower.
Still slide (03): As the Offense Turns
Still slide (04): The Big and The Bulky
In prime-time entertainment, watch at eight central for Survivor: Big Twelve. You're already down to ten teams, so you might as well vote the rest of them off the island, too.
a television
Still slide (05): Survivor Big XII, XI, X?
Shiver My Timbers
Mascots of other (former?) Big XII teams are voted off the island, a la the show Survivor.
As the money for writers runs out, NUTS will devolve to reality T-V. Sit on the edge of your hay bale and be transfixed by: The Bachelor: Bevo's Choice. Which fine lady-bovine will pair off with Bevo this week??
Still slide (06): The Bachelor: Bevo's Choice
a heart, pierced by Cupid's arrow
Theme from Romeo and Juliet
How will he break the news that he's a steer, and that his meat isn't quite Grade-A? And don't blink when we see Bevo reunite with his true love — that sassy seductress, Reveille!
Hound Dog
Browsing his available female companions, when Bevo spots Reveille his henceforth short horns grow in length.
At next week's game, we'll bring you a sneak peek of Oklahoma's aptly-named network: Sooner Hi-def Intercollegiate Television!
I'd spell it out for you, but trust me – it stinks.
Louie, Louie
Exit the field.
Ladies and steers, the two-thousand ten Rice University Marching Owl Band! Now you can follow us on Twitter: @ricemob
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