Good afternoon, and welcome. Today's very special episode of MOB Halftime features a special academic treat. His work entitled, "An Extended History of Piracy in the Eastern American Carolinas," rocked the boat of pirateology. Ladies and gentlemen, Sir Doctor Professor Nigel Chadwick Higgins-Smythe the Seventh, Esquire.
Band takes the field, along with a giant moustache.
[ cue CD track 01 ]
Ah, yes. Quite. (*clear throat*) Quite. Yes.
Now then, the East Carolina region has a surprisingly booty-filled history of piracy. True East Carolina pirate believers who walk the campus late at night claim to see the ghostly image of Blackbeard – dressed in nothing but his hat – roaming the East Carolina campus. The rest of us just see–
My, crikey! Is that a volcano?!?
[ cue CD track 02 ]
Yarr! I be the ghost of the great pirate Captain Blackbeard! And I be takin' command of this 'ere stadium! (*meanacing laugh*)
A R R
Theme from Pirates of the Caribbean
[ cue CD track 03 ]
I be hearin' that certain purple-wearin' pansies 'ave been tryin' to pass themselves off as "pirates." I be the only thing ye piratin' is Lady Gaga M-P-3s! How long has it been since ye got yer hands on some booty? Can ye even get yer sails up past half mast anymore? Let me show you how real pirates do it!
A R R !
A giant cannonball shoots from the end zone tunnel, rolls across the field and squishes a great deal of the band. Those members affected continue to play music while lying on their backs.
U + UR Hand
[ cue CD track 04 ]
Arr, I need a cigarette. Now, for the only reason I came to Houston: the fine booty calls!
Ahoy, there, big captain. You've reached one-eight-hundred booty for you. You know, as a premium booty captain, you're eligible for a free extra-large chest with this order of booty.
Well, I do like big chests! Hand over all the booty you got, ya scallywag!
Can't Buy me Love
A large chest is wheeled onto the field, atop lays a curvaceous wench. The captain throws the wench aside and opens the chest to find tons of fabulous gold coins. The captain proceeds to rub the coins all over his body and rolls around within the booty.
Well, it seems that Blackbeard is a bit... preoccupied, so we leave you with this warning:
Whether ye be sailin' the seven seas
or ye boat be sunk,
at ye next port o' call
the T-S-A be grabbin' ye junk.
Ladies and gentlemen, the two-thousand ten Marching Owl Band!
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