Ladies and steers, welcome to the first halftime show not to be broadcast on the Longhorn T-V network. Presenting the Show Band of South Main, the Rice University Marching Owl Band!
Band enters the field from the sidelines.
S E C
After decades of saying "goodbye" to "Texas University," the Aggies. Finally. Left. Yes, it's official. As of eight o'clock central daylight time, A&M announced its intent to join Satan's Evil Conference. We congratulate the S-E-C and the Big Twelve, as both conferences improve their average I-Q.
[formation changes at the word "Satan"]
$ E C
Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2
Satan conjures a ticket to the SEC, which appears oddly in the form of a teenage love note. Satan approaches a UT player with a ticket to the SEC, but Texas rebuffs him. Baylor begs Satan for an opportunity, but Satan doesn't see that relationship lasting ("B*tch, please."). On the rebound, Satan finds the Aggies (doing something simple and repetitive) and figures he's got an easy score; intrigued, A&M accepts the invitation and skips off into the sunset, hand in hand.
Speaking of Aggies, there's Texas Governor – A-and-M alumnus – Rick Perry. He looks like he needs a little direction. Okay, God, tell him. [long pause]
No? All right, everyone, let's try this:
Simon says, touch your ear.
All touch their ear.
Simon says, jump up and down.
All jump up and down while touching their ear.
Now run for President!
Rick Perry look-alike dashes toward a Barack Obama look-alike.
Nuh-uh! Simon didn't say!
So, the next time you go to the polls, ask yourself: is your candidate smarter than an Aggie?
Outline of The State of Texas
School's Out (for Summer)
After Perry flunks out from Simon Says, members of the press attempt to interview Obama with Perry attempting to steal the show every chance he gets.
Satan watches, amused, eating from an over-sized bucket of popcorn.
Yes, Longhorn fans, Rick Perry isn't the only Texan desperate for a win this year. But don't worry, The MOB knows how to cure your sad cow disease, and dry the crying eyes of Texas. Whenever we're under the weather with a little irritable owl syndrome, there's only one prescription:
Eye of the Tiger
Doctors examine UT and Rice football players, both are given pills and injections to "pump them up" for homecoming. While Rice gets up and runs for victory, UT merely falls down.
The MOB reminds you that water restrictions are in effect. Stay inside and take comfort that droughts like these only hit Texas Football once every eighteen years.
Ladies and gentlemen, the two-thousand eleven Rice University Marching Owl Band! Directed by mister Chuck Throckmorton, with drum majors Ollie Barthelemy and Greg Narro, and Show Assistant executive producer Erin Lytle.
The MOB welcomes your feedback on Twitter @ricemob, or e-mail us at Your Mom at MOB dot Rice dot E-D-U.
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