Welcome to the MOB!

The following is a MOB show-writing FAQ which was edited and posted to the MOB listserv on September 23, 2000 by Charles Kuffner. The original version was written by David Tuttle in 1993.

WHAT'S THE STRUCTURE OF A MOB SHOW?

A typical MOB show usually breaks neatly into segments. Each segment has, in approximate order of execution:

• a script
• one or more fomations
• props and action with the Show Assistants (SAs)
• a song

Generally speaking, the script is read while the MOB is getting into the formation and the SAs are bringing out the props and starting the action. At script segment's end, the MOB plays its song, perhaps animating the formation or changing to another formation while playing. Variations on this include bits of music being played between parts of the script segment, usually to enhance a joke, and music being played while a script segment is being read. The latter can only be done if the stadium's sound system is known to be good, otherwise no one will hear the script.

The standard MOB show has four to five segments. In recent years, emphasis on music has us playing longer and scripting less, so count on four segments most of the time. Sometimes cuts can be added to music to allow for an extra script segment. Sometimes we're really restricted on time and have to limit things drastically.

The first segment introduces the show and lays out the concept so the audience gets the proper context. This is more important than you might think at first. (Ask someone about the '89 A&M show.) The next two or three segments expand on the concept put forth by the first segment. And the last segment wraps things up and gets the MOB off the field. All in eight minutes or less.

WHAT'S THE GENERAL STRUCTURE OF A SHOW SEGMENT?

That's a hard one to pin down -- there can be a variety of forms. But it helps to think of things in the order of Script, Formation, Action, Music, since that's the rough order things will actually occur. A script segment that does not include these four basic elements is incomplete. Be sure to match up which songs go with which script, action, etc. It's a little awkward to put together a show, then realize there's another song by itself with no associated script or formation. In general, the music is supposed to have some relation to the other three elements, but that's not 100% vital. In the past, we have included music simply because it was new and we wanted to play it, without worrying how it fit with the script. It should be noted that not everyone liked this.

HOW LONG IS A SCRIPT SEGMENT?

In general, a typical script segment is 15 to 25 seconds long. That's a good fit with the time it takes the MOB to scatter to a formation. And remember, the clock is always ticking. Your total script time will probably be in the 75 to 100 second range, so don't expect more. On the occasion that there is no visiting band, a MOB show can proceed at a more relaxed pace. But the script segments should not be too much longer. A script segment longer than 25 seconds invariably tends to drag and lose focus. Estimating script segment lengths is not difficult. A good rule of thumb is to expect one computer-terminal-length line of script to take about five seconds to read over a stadium sound system.

For example, this paragraph would take about 25 seconds to read. If your script segment is over five lines long, shorten it. If you really want to know how long your script segment is, read it out loud at a deliberate pace, making sure you enunciate clearly (as the announcer will have to do to make himself understood), and time yourself.

HOW SHOULD I ORGANIZE A SCRIPT SEGMENT?

A standard structure is Premise, Buildup, Punchline. That's a reliable template to write your script segments. After all, if you make it laugh-out-loud funny too soon, then too many people will be laughing and no one will hear any script you have after that. If you can't help but put a really funny bit in the middle of a segment, plan for a pause for crowd reaction.

WHAT CAN I FIT INTO A SCRIPT SEGMENT?

There are few types of humor more elemental than a halftime show script. If a joke's too long, you can't use it. If you have to explain it, you can't use it. If it makes reference to something most people aren't familiar with, you can't use it. And if it requires too much thought to get it, you can't use it.

The syntactic structure of a script segment can vary widely. But a general structure of a few (two to three) medium-sized simple sentences is a good model to use. And remember, "brevity is the soul of wit." Don't say in ten words what you can say in eight. You will invariably have more words and more ideas than will fit in a particular segment. It's painful to throw a good joke idea on the cutting room floor, but all shows have to go through that process. There's only so much you can say in a script segment. You cannot tell five jokes in 20 seconds of script.

So suppose you've got four or five ideas that are all funny, and only one segment to put them in. Ask yourself: what's the *real* joke in this segment -- the one the whole segment revolves around? Decide on which it is. Write the segment around that one joke. If you can work one or more of the other jokes in, fine, but don't interrupt the flow of the primary joke. Shorten it, refine it, and shorten it some more. Dig to the essence of the joke, until you can't remove another word. Then give others the chance to do the same -- they'll find something you missed.

And be prepared to start the process over if a better segment idea comes along.

BUT MY SCRIPT IS PERFECT!

No, it isn't. There's no such thing as the perfect script. It's all too easy to claim a show that's been assigned to you as yours alone. True, you're the one putting hours and hours of work into it, but you have to keep it open to suggestions from others, and really listen to them. You may be inundated with all sorts of ideas from others, most of which will have to be left unused. But there hasn't been a MOB show yet written that couldn't be improved in some way. Avoid the temptation to completely go it alone -- your show will suffer for it. You *need* feedback. The Show Meeting and the electronic mailing list are the best places for direct feedback during a script's evolution.

CAN I DO A PARODY OF A WELL-KNOWN STORY?

Certainly! Using a well-known story to base your script on is a tried-and-true way to put together a MOB show. We've done "The Wizard of Oz" at least three time in the last 20 years, and several other common tales have also been used. It's a great vehicle for telling a story, because you don't have to fill in the details -- everybody already knows them. This lets you tell a more substantial story in the time allotted.

Just be consistent with the classic tale -- once you've associated your script with it, deviating too far from the plot line can be confusing. Try to draw clear analogies between the classic story's characters and your characters, to make it easy for folks to follow. And take full advantage of the audience's familiarity with the story -- don't retell things that everybody already knows.

CAN I QUOTE SOMEONE ELSE'S MATERIAL?

Be very careful here. There's a fine line between paying homage and plagiarizing. You can take a known routine and add a twist to it, but if you're not adding something new and original to it, you really ought to come up with something else. Ask yourself: Could I sign the pledge to this and claim it as my own?

Putting the plagiarism issue aside, the MOB has always had its own voice. We borrow heavily from pop culture and we have many influences, but in the end what we put on the field is uniquely ours. If we start quoting other performers' jokes, we won't be able to say that any more.

WHO SHOULD I WRITE MY SCRIPT FOR?

The entire audience, or as much of the audience as you can. You cannot take the attitude that if most people don't get your jokes, then who cares, this entire show is only for (the student section, people who've taken English literature, people who watch this particular cool TV show, etc.) You might be able to get away with this for one segment, if you're careful, but any more than that, and your audience has left their seats to get in line and buy a Coke(TM).

Playing at an opponent's stadium offers new and exciting opportunities for scriptwriting. Some opponents, like the University of Texas, know us and love us. Some opponents, like Michigan in 2000, have no idea what they're in for. In all cases, doing a little research about what the opposing fans know and care about can reap big rewards.

IS ANYTHING OFF-LIMITS FOR A SCRIPT?

The MOB performs at the invitation of the Athletic Department. As such, biting the hand that feeds us is not a good idea. Basically, the 12th Commandment is "Thou shalt not cause the university to lose money." Don't include anything that will offend the big donors. Along the same lines, profanity has always been verboten. For the "Rhymes With Duck" show we went though all kinds of contortions to ensure that the word "BUCK" was clearly understood.

Everything else is a matter of debate. Philosophically, the MOB has never tried to be like the Stanford band. We do have boundaries, even if they move about from time to time. This doesn't mean that we never offend anyone, nor does it mean that we wring our hands when a few humor-impaired individuals send us complaints. The question to ask when you want to include a joke that is likely to offend people's sensibilities is "Is it worth it?" In the end, if you're going to include such a joke, it had better be really funny, because that will be the only defense you'll have.

WE'RE TOO LAME NOWADAYS! WHY CAN'T WE BE INSULTING LIKE WE USED TO BE?

This question could generate a FAQ unto itself, so I'll try to be brief. First, remember that our fans, the ones who complain that we're "lame" and that we've "lost our edge," are used to us. There's no novelty as there is for UT and Michigan fans. It's much harder to get a reaction from them as a result.

Second, 99% of the people who talk about the MOB's past know nothing about it. 'Nuff said. As for "insulting" the opponents, actual funny jokes at an opponent's expense are always welcome. The problem is that most of our opponents aren't very funny. This is partly because most of them are new to us, and partly because there just isn't much there. By all means, go ahead and zing them, but if you have to force it, you're better off without it.

I'VE GOT AN IDEA, BUT IT NEEDS SOME WORK. CAN I JUST THROW IT OUT ONTO THE MAILING LIST?

Sure, but don't hold your breath waiting for the script to write itself. Scripts get written when someone takes ownership of them. That means that someone is responsible for making sure that each segment has all of the elements listed above, and makes revisions based on the feedback generated from show meetings and the mailing list. That could be you and it could be someone else, but if it's not you then don't be surprised if your idea turns into dust.

This is not to discourage people from throwing out ideas. That kind of brainstorming is vital. This is to encourage people to take those ideas and turn them into actual scripts that can be performed. If you really have a great idea but don't have the time to see it to completion, then at least give it a good start by writing an initial script that incorporates as many of the needed elements as possible. A script that merely need revision rather than completion is much more likely to be taken up by someone else.

I WROTE A SCRIPT LIKE YOU SAID, BUT IT NEVER GOT USED. WHY?

Don't take it personally. There are only so many scripts that we can use in a given year. Sometimes what's funny to you just doesn't tickle someone else. Please try again, we really do need lots of people working on scripts. The more we have, the better the quality will be overall.

POST-SCRIPT

This is just a view of how MOB stuff has worked in recent years. None of this is carved in stone. If you have an idea for something innovative, then break the mold! Just keep in mind that your idea may have been tried (and maybe even failed) before. So don't give up -- keep trying to think up new things. After all, the MOB concept itself was an innovative, break-the-mold idea, lo those many years ago.