Here, you'll find a list of past halftime scripts for your reading enjoyment. Please bear with us as we convert all the old scripts to this new format.

Special thanks go out to John "Grungy" Gladu, whose hard work and tireless dedication make such a page possible.

2019 2018 2017 2016 2011 1987 1986 1979 1978 1977 1976 1975 1974 1973 1972 1971 1968

"What a Year It Has Been"
PVAMU, Aug 25, 2018
"Get Out of My Swamp"
UH, Sep 1, 2018
The "Pink Floyd Show" Show
UTSA, Oct 6, 2018
The "Blasting Off" Show
UAB, Oct 13, 2018
The "Politics Is a No-No" Show
UTEP, Nov 3, 2018
The "Tech Savvy" Show
@ LA Tech, Nov 10, 2018
The "Star" Show
ODU, Nov 24, 2018
@ UH, Sep 16, 2017 The "Get Off My Lawn" Show
FIU, Sep 23, 2017
The "Black Knight" Show
Army, Oct 7, 2017
The "Let's Mess with Texas" Show
@ UTSA, Oct 21, 2017
The "Banned Day" Show
LA Tech, Oct 28, 2017
"What's New Pussycat"
Southern Miss, Nov 11, 2017
"The Little MOB That Could"
UNT, Nov 25, 2017
"The Title (is) Nine"
Baylor, Sep 16, 2016
"The MOB Drinks to Forget"
UNT, Sep 24, 2016
"We R Family"
UTSA, Oct 15, 2016
"Flash MOB"
PVAMU, Oct 22, 2016
"Spoopy Places"
@ LA Tech, Oct 29, 2016
"Owl-ection Show Time"
FAU, Nov 5, 2016
"Minor Thoughts"
UTEP, Nov 19, 2016
@ UT, Sep 3, 2011
"If you build it, she will come"
Purdue, Sep 10, 2011
"You(r're) NUTS"
UT, Sep 4, 2010
"BROpocalypse Now"
SMU, Oct 2, 2010
"As Seen On TV"
UH, Oct 16, 2010
"Alcohol, Crabs, and Segal. Oh my!"
@ Tulane, Nov 13, 2010
"Arr! Here be a halftime!"
East Carolina, Nov 20, 2010
"Ruthless People"
SMU, Sep 13, 1986
TSU, Sep 20, 1986
"The Oil Slump"
UT, Oct 4, 1986
TTU, Oct 18, 1986 "The Immigrants"
@ A&M, Oct 25, 1986
Baylor, Nov 15, 1986
Air Force, Nov 22, 1986 "101 Things"
@ UH, Nov 29, 1986
"Performing Arts in Houston"
@ SMU, Sep 8 1979
Oklahoma, Sep 29, 1979
TCU, Oct 13, 1979
"A Few Remarx"
UT, Oct 26, 1974

Wake Forest University vs. Rice

September 6, 2019
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 41—21

The "KISS" Show

Action: Enter from sideline
Announcer: You wanted the best, you got the best. Presenting their KISS show, the Hottest Scatterband in the Land, The MOB!
Formation: K I S S
Music: Detroit Rock City
Announcer: After 46 years of rock and rolling all night, and partying every day, KISS is finally going on their last tour, perhaps a few decades late. Known for their loud music and crazy pyrotechnics, KISS could wake any place up... except sleepy North Carolina.
Formation: Z z z
Music: Rock and Roll All Night
Action: 30-yard tongue comes out from large Gene Simmons face
Announcer: While KISS liked to play with fire, fire can also have negative consequences. We'd like to turn your attention to the current situation in the Amazon. We encourage you to educate yourself with reputable news sources and do whatever you can to help, and show it some love. Because of the two forests that are hot flaming disasters, only one matters, and it's not Wake Forest.
Formation: Branch with leaves
Music: I Was Made for Loving You
Action: Leaves of branch shrivel up, while Gene Simmons' tongue chases and catches a Wake Forest football player
Announcer: As our show reaches the End of its Road, we'd like to list a few things we've learned from doing a halftime show about KISS. Pyrotechnics are fun if you don't burn any trees down, it's okay to party until you're 70 if you're making money off it, and there's absolutely no reason for anyone to have a tongue as long as Gene Simmons.
Music: Fight Song
Action: Exeunt all
Announcer: We'd like to thank you for coming out today. We don't usually play on Fridays so we don't know what we'll be doing tonight, so if you have any ideas just tweet us @ricemob.

University of Texas – Austin vs. Rice

September 14, 2019
NRG Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 48—13

"Texas is Back! to the Future"

Announcer: In the spirit of "keeping Austin weird," today you get to witness the weirdest band in the nation, presenting their "Back to the Future" show, it's the MOB!
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Action: Enter from sideline
Announcer: Texas fans, do you wish Texas football would finally be back? Well, today is your lucky day, because today we're taking you back in time, to a year when we all thought Colt McCoy would actually be good.
Formation: "Back to the Future" arrow
Music: Johnny B. Goode
Action: Delorean drives around field
Announcer: We've travelled back nine years to 2010, the last time Texas played in a National Championship. Things were a little different then: our president didn't want to nuke a hurricane, and Matthew McConaughey was still an actor, not a wannabe professor.
Formation: 2 0 1 0
Music: School's Out
Action: Delorean keeps driving. Vroom vroom.
Announcer: Let's go back to the future, to the year 2029. Ten years from now, things mostly stay the same:

  • Baylor will be in another scandal,
  • The Aggies will still be too scared to play the Longhorns,

...wait for it...

  • and Texas will still lose to powerhouse schools like LSU... Maryland... and Kansas.
Formation: The horns hand sign, with a sign pointing to the bottom saying "This way up"
Music: Time Warp
Action: Arrow eventually flips to point up
Announcer: Now we're back in the present, where Texas is doing their best to be an elite institution. Too bad your football team doesn't have elite GPAs. Now tell us, was that 2.89 average? Or cumulative?
Formation: 2 . 8 9
Music: Louie, Louie
Announcer: Let's get this out of the way. Yes, we see the scoreboard. We hope it was worth the gridlock on 71 and 290.

Baylor University vs. Rice

September 21, 2019
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 21—13

"Star Bears"

Announcer: A long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away, a band in Houston decided they preferred jokes and satire over mindless marching. Presenting their "Star Wars" show, it's The MOB!
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Action: Enter from sideline
Announcer: It is a period of Texas war.Rebels strive for their first victory against the evil Baylor administration. Our spies stole the plans to Darth Baylor's ultimate weapon: a Death Bear with just enough power to destroy a UTSA football team.
Formation: Death Bear
Music: Imperial March
Action: A green laser beam shoots out of the death bear
Announcer: Recently, Darth Baylor released some questionable statements that disturbed a significant part of the galaxy. We tried to get help from once Texas legend Obe-vo Kenobi, but he and the force at UT vanished ten years ago, and still aren't back. We'll hav to deal with this our own way. And the best way to solve any problem with a bear is to poke it... with a lightsaber.
Formation: Angry longhorn head
Music: Duel of the Fates
Action: A MOBster has a lightsaber duel with Darth Baylor and defeats him
Announcer: The war is over! People across the nation celebrated the surrender of Darth Baylor as once-marginalized students found their places in second homes, like Rice, where we believe in supporting all our outstanding students, even those who like the Star Wars prequels.
Formation: P r i d e
Music: YMCA
Action: About 70 pride flags, carried by Rice and Baylor students and alumni, rush onto the field from the tunnel, form the "i" in "Pride" and scatter around the field
Announcer: Thank you to all the awesome volunteers who helped us celebrate the diversity found on our campuses! Without your generous donations and selfless effort, all of this would not be possible. Baylor, we urge you to reconsider your policy and support all your amazing students. May the Force be with you. Good Night!
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all
Announcer: Thanks for watching. Spread love, not hate.

Louisiana Tech University vs. Rice

September 28, 2019
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 23—20

"The Non-Newsworthy Karaoke Show"

Announcer: After making our mark on the media for the last two weeks, today we've decided to take it down a notch for Families' Weekend. Presenting our karaoke show, it's the MOB!
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Action: Enter from sideline
Announcer: Today's show will include some of the most overplayed songs of all time, starting with "Livin' on a Prayer." If you've ever been to a karaoke night, you've probably heard someone sing this song, and you've probably also hoped they would stop. If you know the lyrics, and you probably do, we invite you to sing along!
Formation: Guitar
Music: Livin' on a Prayer
Announcer: Somebody once told me the next song we'd be playing is "All Star," which a lot of the millenials in this stadium should be familiar with. This song gained most of its popularity from its use in the 2001 movie Shrek. This is fitting because Shrek, like the people of Houston, lives in a swamp.
Formation: Treble clef and key signature
Music: All Star
Announcer: If you haven't sung your heart out just yet, we're giving you one more chance to do so with "Sweet Caroline." You may have heard this song in commercials, movies, or just about every sporting event you've ever gone to. LA Tech fans, we especially want you to sing so you can try to gorget the fact that you live in Louisiana.
Formation: Piano
Music: Sweet Caroline
Action: LA Tech Band enters from rear sideline to sing along
Announcer: We would like to thank the Louisiana Tech Band of Prode for joining us on the field today. We'd also like to thank all the families that came to visit this weekend. We hope you all had some fun singing along with us today. Bonus points to whoever can sing along with this next one!
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all
Announcer: Parents here today, we hope you got a good dose of bonding time with your child. Hopefully it was enough to forgive them for skipping half their classes and not being pre-med anymore. Have a great rest of the weekend. Goodnight!

University of Southern Mississippi vs. Rice

October 26, 2019
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 20—6

Marshall University vs. Rice

November 2, 2019
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 20—7

Prairie View A&M University vs. Rice

August 25, 2018
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: W 28—31

"What a Year It Has Been"

Announcer: Welcome back to campus, everyone. Much has happened since last football season, in particular the appointment of a new head football coach. The MOB welcomes Coach Bloomgren as we perform our traditional "Salute to the New Head Coach."
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Action: Enter from sideline
Announcer: Thanks to our new coach, Rice is starting more construction. The new social sciences building takes away yet another intramural field and gives Rice students yet another reason to play video games instead of actual sports.
Formation: Two lines that turn into a brick
Music: Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 2
Action: Two students play soccer. When the formation shifts, they run off the field and grab game controllers.
Announcer: With that new social sciences building comes a new Dean of Undergraduates, who just happens to be a sociology professor. On the bright side, at least people will actually know we have social sciences.
Formation: Sun
Music: Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
Announcer: Almost two weeks ago, new students arrived on campus with pure hearts and big ambitions. By now, that has changed to pure fear of the huge membership they found when exposed to... Baker Thirteen!
Formation: Smiley face that turns into the tongue out emoji
Music: School's Out
Action: Baker 13 runners run after a student studying. The eyes get bigger as this happen, and the pupils follow the runners.
Announcer: There are many things coming to Rice for the first time. Whether it's a new coach, new building, or new dean, one thing about Rice will never change — Rice fight never dies!
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all

University of Houston vs. Rice

September 1, 2018
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 45—27

"Get Out of My Swamp"

Action: MOB enters from endzone
Formation: Disney logo D
Announcer: Today, the MOB presents a salute to the creative and wholesome family entertainment of Walt Disney!
Music: Solo trumpet, When You Wish Upon a Star, which is interrupted by
Loudspeaker: [from Shrek] "What are you doing in my swamp??"
Action: Shrek enters field in a shack, emerges during the loudspeaker line, then chases MOBsters into next formation.
Announcer: Our hero is in danger! Lord Leebron wants Shrek to get the magical Bayou Bucket, or he'll burn down the swamp! He and Donkey search everywhere. An ogre may not be wholesome, but he will defend his swamp!
Formation: Football
Music: All Star
Action: Shrek and Donkey search the field for the Bayou Bucket, including inside various instruments.
Announcer: They came across an enchanted castle. Perhaps the Bucket is inside, guarded by an old, red scaly beast, yearning for love and affection — you know, a Cougar. But first, it's time to get rid of that annoying ass!
Formation: Sammy (the "my" is on posterboard)
Music: I'm a Believer
Announcer: Shrek didn't find the bucket, but he did marry the Princess Sammy. The cougar hooked up with Donkey... and we're still waiting to see if anyone drains the swamp.
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all, Shrek and Sammy hand-in-hand
Announcer: The moral of the story is this: universities are like onions — they make people cry.

University of Texas – San Antonio vs. Rice

October 6, 2018
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 20—3

The "Pink Floyd Show" Show

Action: MOB enters from sideline
Announcer: National Geographic presents: a dramatization of now ancient and primitive Houstonian behavior. It happened long ago – in Rice Stadium – in 1994.
Formation: Square (with Nat Geo logo on posterboard at bottom)
Music: National Geographic Intro
Announcer: (Over music) They called it a "concert," and it was led by the enigmatic and unknown "Pink Floyd." Join us now, "Have a Cigar," be "Careful with that Axe, Eugene," and explore the "Dark Side of the Moon."
Music: Brain Damage
Action: Nat Geo logo is replaced by "Pink Floyd" and "Dark Side of the Moon"
Announcer: (During music vamp) In John F. Kennedy's lesser-known "Dark Side of the Moon" speech, he said, "Pink Floyd chose to go to Rice Stadium and do the other things, not because they were easy, but because they would sell tickets!"
Formation: Triangle
Music: Eclipse
Action: Banners are unrolled from the sides of the triangle to create the Dark Side of the Moon album cover
Announcer: Everything under the sun is in tune, but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please thank our guest bands today: Bravo School of Music, under the direction of Debbie Swindler; The Village School, under the direction of Jennifer Siler; and of course, The MOB — Rice University's Marching Owl Band!
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all
Announcer: There is no dark side of the moon, really. Matter of fact, it's all dark.

University of Alabama – Birmingham vs. Rice

October 13, 2018
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 42—0

The "Blasting Off" Show

Announcer: Greetings, Earth-parents. Welcome to your child's five-year mission: to explore new majors, to graduate with a GPA higher than their blood alcohol content, and to boldly go where no student has gone before... beyond the hedges.
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Announcer: If your child is bold enough, she can venture far beyond the hedges: into spaaaaace — by joining the United States Space Force. Why risk blowing an internship, when you can blast off on a rocketship?
Formation: Star
Music: Vehicle
Action: Someone runs around the field with a cardboard rocket
Announcer: Pentagon(al) officials recently announced the first big mission: a journey to the surface of the Sun! If you're concerned about the hear, don't worry! They plan on going at night.
Formation: the Sun, an even better star
Music: Walking on the Sun
Action: In the middle of the formation is a sign that says "Surface of the Sun" with a Google Maps pinpoint next to it
Video board:
Announcer: Every military branch needs a song describing its goals and values. We thought long and hard, and the MOB finally settled on the perfect song... Because we all know that most startups don't last long.
Formation: SF that changes to $F
Music: Money for Nothing
Action: Someone with a giant money bag goes around collecting money from the MOB
Announcer: We would like to thank our parents for coming to Rice during the middle of midterms and interrupting our studies! Don't worry, we are doing well enough to join the Space Force. After all, it's not rocket surgery!
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all

University of Texas – El Paso vs. Rice

November 3, 2018 — Homecoming
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 34—26

The "Politics Is a No-No" Show

Announcer: Welcome back to Rice Stadium and welcome back, alumni! In case you haven't heard, it's midterm season! For once, we're not talking about midterm exams, we are talking about the midterm elections!
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Announcer: First up, we've go the incumbent himself, Ted "The Zodiac Killer" Cruz. Is Rafael Cruz actually a killer? Probably not. But does he have looks good enough to kill? Oh, absolutely. Just look at that face; it's one only a mother and the Republican Party of Texas could love.
Formation: T E D
Music: Deep in the Heart of Texas
Action: Throughout the show, a couple MOBsters at a time drop out of the formation to vote at voting booths on the sidelines.
Announcer: Next we've got the new kid on the block, Beto "Am I Cool Yet?" O'Rourke. This El Paso native is working hard to get that millennial vote, from hosting livestreams to revealing all the crazy times he had in college — what a hashtag rebel! Turns out he jumped a fence at UTEP once and was arrested for burglary. The charges were dropped, however, since there's nothing in El Paso worth stealing.
Formation: B E T O
Music: Jailhouse Rock
Announcer: It doesn't matter who you vote for, folks. As long as you're informed, you cast your ballot, and you don't call yourself a nationalist in front of the entire nation, you're A-OK in the MOB's eyes. Happy Election Day!
Formation: V O T E
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: The early voters Louie off the field, while the others line up at the voting booths. Exeunt all.

Rice vs. Louisiana Tech University

November 10, 2018
Joe Aillet Stadium — Ruston, LA

Result: L 13—28

The "Tech Savvy" Show

Announcer: Do you remember the good old days of video games? When spending tim on your Nintendo Color was the best thing you could do? Yeah, we don't either. That's why the MOB invites you to watch this tribute to the Tech of days past.
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Announcer: We start off with the original video game, Pong. Like Louisiana, Pong has a long history of being boring. Video game creators quickly worked to develop a new, better game, just like the United States of America worked to make a better state like Texas.
Formation: Pong screen
Music: Beer Barrel Polka
Action: MOBsters play pong, with two sections as paddles and one person as the ball. The ball yawns.
Announcer: Finally, a fighting game that teaches you right from wrong: Moral Kombat™. When you do not know which death animation is the ethically correct choice, learn your way through the world with horror, fantasy, and complex fighting mechanics. Make sure you give your immoral side a fatality.
Formation: Stick Figure
Music: Mortal Kombat
Action: During music, stick figure moves into a high kick
Announcer: And last but not least, the MOB's favorite video game, Snake! It has taught us a few good life lessons: be careful how much you take on so you don't overextend yourself — if you're not careful, you might just bite yourself in the... butt. And to keep track of how long your snake is, make sure you use meters, since snakes don't have any feet!
Formation: P L A Y
Music: Only the Good Die Young
Announcer: As you can tell, our favorite Tech will always be video games. Some of us even enjoy that thing called... Fork... Knife? Who knows.
Music: Louie, Louie [intro]
Action: MOB abruptly stops playing and runs off the field

Old Dominion University vs. Rice

November 24, 2018
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: W 13—27

The "Star" Show

Announcer: This Thanksgiving, the MOB wanted to put on a show that was relevant to the holiday! Instead, here is a lecture on the evolution of stars.
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Announcer: In the main sequence — the longest part of a star's life — this blazing ball of gas travels through the cosmos while it slowly expands. Hey! his show is relevant!
Formation: Circular clump of MOBsters in center of field
Music: Carry On My Wayward Sun
Action: Clump expands during music
Announcer: As a star's hydrogen runs out it is forced to fuse heavier elements like helium to stay alive. Eventually, the elements will be too heavy to fuse, and the star will collapse in on itself.
Action: MOB collapses back into a smaller clump than before
Announcer: This collapse powers a massive explosion called a supernova — like when your family runs out of conversation topics and someone brings up politics!
Action: MOBsters run from the center into a large circle
Music: Can't Buy Me Love
Announcer: After a supernova, the star's inner core becomes a Black Friday hole. This has enough gravtiy to keep anything that falls into it from escaping, including light and your wallet.
Action: Run back to center of field in a very small clump
Music: Louie Louie
Action: Exeunt all
Announcer: Thank you for coming to our TED Talk.

Rice vs. University of Houston

September 16, 2017
TDECU Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 3—38
This script was never performed due to flooding from Hurricane Harvey. The MOB and UH band instead performed a joint halftime show.

Announcer: Crikey mate! Rice is back from down under, and the MOB is here to kick some brass!
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Announcer: Since we last saw you, U of H, our world has changed quite a bit. In the last four years, there was a presidential election, SpaceX began threatening NASA's job, and we're still desperately clinging to the eleven wins we have against you in the past 46 years.
Formation: XI
Music: Time Warp
Action: Time Warp dance
Announcer: Although our "rivalry" has existed for years and years, it appears that we've become less of rivals, and more of crosstown neighbors. Maybe now we can use the Bayou Bucket to bail each others' campuses out!
Formation: Raindrop into heart
Music: Deep in the Heart of Texas
Action: Clap aggressively
Announcer: We'll see you next year, U of H, nd we'll still be clinging to our eleven win record. Some things never change!
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all

Florida International University vs. Rice

September 23, 2017
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 13—7

"The 'Get Off My Lawn' Show"

Announcer: The MOB is pleased to welcome our football team back from the Land Down Under! Let's see what they've got against a team from America's land down there.
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Announcer: Rice fans, did you notice anything? Sammy looks a bit different. That's right, there's a new Sammy in town, and our former mascot retired to none other than sunny Florida!
Formation: Sun
Music: Walkin' on the Sun
Action: The Sun's smile turns into a straight line
Announcer: When old Sammy arrived at his new home, he was surprised to find other Rice relics already in residence — such as the title "Master," Rice Business, Rice Business Wisdom, and West Lot One!
Formation: Parking space
Music: Vehicle
Announcer: After a wave of nostalgia, the retired Rice icons tried instituting some of Rice's better known features, like a strange affection for boba tea, and an ungodly number of squirrels. None of these worked in a retirement community. Baker 13 was a real flop! It's fallen, and it can't get up.
Formation: 13
Music: Stripper
Announcer: We received a note from old Sammy, addressed to his Floridian neighbors at F-I-U. It says: "Get off my lawn!"
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: MOB shakes fists. Exeunt all

Army West Point vs. Rice

October 7, 2017
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 49—12

The "Black Knight" Show

Announcer: What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? Who cares, we're the Owls!
Music: Monty Python fanfare
Action: MOB rides horses onto field à la Monty Python, yelling "Ni!"
Announcer: Here in the Kingdom of Houstonia, we are pleased to welcome the coconut-horse riding warriors from Army. We're also delighted you came to us, instead of the other way around. As it's often said, "Let's not go to West Point; 'tis a silly place!"
Formation: Crown
Music: Land of 1000 Dances
Announcer: Forever on a quest for a better image, West Point's new crest depicts the black knight stabbed through the head. Maybe rice should do the same thing to Sammy? We'd have to rename him "Stabby the Owl."
Formation: Shield
Music: Back in Black
Video Board:
Announcer: Stop!
MOB: Stops running
Announcer: Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these problem sets three, ere the other side he or she see. What is your name?
MOB: "Rice!"
Announcer:: What is your quest?
MOB:: "To graduate!"
Announcer: What is your favorite color?
MOB: Half yell "blue," the other half "gray." Look around at each other and yell while falling down.
Music: Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
Announcer: But seriously folks, midterm season is upon us. So as Rice students forsake their rest to finish problem sets due Wednesday, just remember: even when Coffeehouse is closed, 'tis but a scratch. We're not dead yet!
Formation: Coffee Cup
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all

Rice vs. University of Texas – San Antonio

October 21, 2017
Alamodome — San Antonio, TX

Result: L 7—20
This script was never performed.

The "Let's Mess with Texas" Show

Announcer: Y'all know what time it is: time to grab out ten gallon hats and spurs, time to remember the Alamo and say "Howdy" to San Antonio: that's right, the MOB's here, and we're ready to take on Texas!
MOB: "Go Rice! Yeehaw!"
Announcer: Here in Texas, we take pride in our state. As all y'all know, everything's bigger in Texas, from our sprawling cities to our extra-high speed limits to our overall surface area. If you add up the square mileage of the state and every pickup bed in Texas, we would finally be bigger than Alaska!
Formation: Heart
Music: Deep in the Heart of Texas
Announcer: Way back when Texas was just a lil' baby territory of Meh-he-co, we reckoned that we was all growed up and independent. After a big to-do with Santa Anna, we struck out on our own... and immediately went to live with our big ol' neighbor, the You-nited States
Formation: Star
Music: Rawhide
Video Board: Unfaithful boyfriend meme featuring Texas, Mexico, and the United States
Announcer: Our Texas blood runs red, and we are always prepared to fight for what's right. We're also stubborn enough to occupy the Alamo during a thirteen day siege before finally losing. But it was worth it! Tourists now remember this serious part of our history by buying a nifty plastic snowglobe!
Formation: The Alamo
Music: Victorious
Announcer: Too soon? Well, the MOB's had a mighty fine time, but it's time for this tumbleweed to tumble on home to Houston.
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all.

Louisiana Tech University vs. Rice

October 28, 2017
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 42—28

The "Banned Day" Show

Announcer: It was fifty years ago this year that Sergeant Pepper taught the band to play — The Beatles released "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" and changed recording history forever! When this album debuted, tuition was twelve hundred dollars, Martel wasn't a college, and Hanszen still sucked.
Formation: Heart/Concert arcs
Music: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band(s)
Announcer: [over end of music]
I don't really want to stop the show,
But I thought you might like to know,
That the singer's going to sing a song,
And he wants you all to sing along.
So may I introduce to you,
The act you've known for all these years,
Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band!
Music: End of Sergeant Pepper/With a Little Help from My Friends
Action: LA Tech joins, Band parts, sousaphones and percussion move forward
Video Board: Lyrics to "With a Little Help from My Friends"
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our friends who gave us a little help! Director Jennifer Siler and First Baptist Academy, Director Debbie Swindler and Bravo School of Music, Director Jim Robkin and the Louisiana Tech Band of Pride!
Action: Exeunt all

University of Southern Mississippi vs. Rice

November 11, 2017 — Homecoming
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 43—34

"What's New Pussycat"/"The Change $how"

Announcer: Rice Alumni, you've been gone for quite some time. The MOB would love to fill you in on all that's happened since you suffered here at school. There are twice as many buildings, twice as many colleges, two more letters in "Master," and two more digits in tuition!
Formation: Hour glass
Music: Time Warp
Action: Time Warp dance
Announcer: This year our beloved Astros won the World Series for the first time since their founding in 1962. That was the same year JFK gave his famous moon speech at Rice, proving that it's easier to go to the moon than to win a World Series!
Music: Celebration
Action: "Go 'Stros!"
Announcer: Every year our show follows the presentation of the big checks at halftime. Tis year, the MOB would like to make its own contribution to the university. President Leebron — please accept our even bigger check, of the staggering amount of four hundred and twenty (*cough*) dollars and sixty-nine (*pause*) cents, straight from the tip jar at Valhalla
Formation: Script Rice
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Bring giant check onto field
Announcer: Just remember, Rice fans, you're never too old to stand, cheer, and drink more beer! And it's time for us to get of your lawn!
Action: Exeunt all

University of North Texas vs. Rice

November 25, 2017
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 30—14

"The Little MOB That Could"

Announcer: Happy Thanksgiving weekend, Rice fans! Now that you've arisen from your food comas, the Marching Owl Band would like to tell you what we're thankful for!
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Announcer: This year, the MOB is thankful for the little things: the way the trees sway in the quad, the way Keck smells after a damp rain, and the firmness of President Leebron's handshakes!
Formation: A line
Music: Tag 63
Announcer: What other little things are you thankful for, Rice fans? How about our own little Rice community? Things like the little amount of mercy our professors show us, the little student section here today, and what little sleep we get? [pause] That adds up to a big existential crisis!
Formation: A circle
Music: Tag 62
Formation: A square
Announcer: It's clear that the best things in life are not all about size: even the MOB is looking a little small today, but we prefer to think of ourselves as "fun-sized."
Formation: A small clump
Music: Tag 69
Announcer: Thanks for joining us, Rice fans! We hope we've helped you be thankful for some of the little things in life, and we hope you finished your Christmas shopping yesterday! If not, here's a two for one!
Action: MOB resets to beginning of show, begins to play again. Pauses after first Tag, exeunt all
Music: Louie, Louie

Baylor University vs. Rice

September 16, 2016
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 38—10

"The Title (is) Nine"

Announcer: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the new and improved Rice Stadium! Today's halftime show will be the most family-friendly show the MOB has ever done. Today's jokes are written by Fozzie Bear!
MOB: "Woo"

Fozzie's jokes, like some of our own, don't always go over as well as he'd like. In fact, we believe Fozzie has made the most unbearable punchlines ever!

Get it? ... Wocka. Wocka.

Formation: Fozzie Bear
Music: Muppet Show Theme
Action: MOB groans at every instance of Wocka Wocka!

The Number of the Day is nine, since nine is the number of justices on the Supreme Court.

Or is it? ... Wocka, Wocka???

Formation: IX
Music: 99 Red Balloons

Now for our featured quote of the day, by famous Clinton prosecutor and former Baylor president Ken Starr, who said:

"I... did not. Investigate... that coach."

Formation: Five-pointed star
Music: "Hit the Road Jack" featuring trumpet solo "When You Wish Upon a Star"
Action: Enjoy the insult

Today's show is brought to you by the number nine, and the letter "N." That's "n" as in:

Nanotechnology, invented at Rice
Neurobiology, the stuff of pre-meds, and
"Knnnnowledge," if you were educated in Waco.

Formation: N
MOB: "Wocka Wocka!"
Music: Louie, Louie (5, 6, 7, 8... 9!)
Action: Exeunt all

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. After today's football game, you're invited to visit the south end of Rice Stadium for a sneak peek at the MOB's new band hall! Come see where we call home, along with the other Rice bands.

And fans, please... Keep your frickin' lasers to yourselves.

University of North Texas vs. Rice

September 24, 2016
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 42—35

"The MOB Drinks to Forget"

Announcer: The MOB welcomes every beer drinker and wine lover. Today we celebrate ethanol being available throughout the stadium. So please, stand cheer, drink more beer!
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Announcer: As an organization with a history of avid, yet entirely responsible drinking, we know a thing or two about alcohol. But the MOB is also a service organization, so head over to Valhalla to get served by our very own director, Chuck!
Formation: Beer stein
Music: Hey Bartender
Action: Wave at Chuck because he is the bartender!
Chuck cards an SA before pouring him a drink.
Formation: Rice R
Announcer: Here at Rice Stadium the "R" Room is full of alcohol, rich donors, and money. If you ask us, we should change it into a public bar which will actually make money and let the alcohol trickle down!
Formation: $
Music: Mony Mony
Announcer: Previously, alcohol was only allowed on the upper tiers of Rice stadium... Because what could possibly go wrong when drunk people stand at high elevations?
Music Beer Barrel Polka
Announcer: We understand UNT recently began allowing beer into certain parts of their stadium. We are surprised they didn't do it earlier, considering they only have six wins since 2014.
Music: Louie, Louie (5, 6, 7, 8!)
Action: Exeunt all
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the 2016 Rice University Marching Owl Band! The MOB is neither the cause nor the solution to life's problems.

University of Texas – San Antonio

October 15, 2016
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: L 14—13

"We R Family"

Announcer: The MOB welcomes all who strive to be better than their older siblings! Welcome to Family's Weekend!
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Announcer: UTSA is well-known for being a sister school to UT Austin — and our favorite one at that. Every year, students at UTSA compete with other sister schools for a spot in UT Austin. As an only child, at Rice we're fortunate to not have to deal with seven different siblings.
Formation: U T
Music: We Are Family
Action: Hold up sign that says "SA"
Announcer: According to, San Antonio is the second happiest city in the country. This must be due to UTSA's great dental school affixing smiles on any frowny faces.
Formation: Frowny face → Smiley face
Music: Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
Announcer: For those who don't know, UTSA has many fun activities nearby! Across the highway, students can unwind at Six Flags! If they are especially high achieving, they could even drop off a job application.
Formation: A line
Music: Celebration
Action: SAs bring a "ride" from Six Flags, people in the front ride it
Announcer: UTSA has an issue with retaining students who are speeding away. Just like Wile E. Coyote, the UTSA administration is forever chasing after their Roadrunners.
Beep beep!
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all

Prairie View A&M University vs. Rice

October 22, 2016 — Homecoming
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: W 65—44

"Flash* MOB"

*the dancing kind

Announcer: Welcome, current students and alumni, to the new and improved Rice Stadium. We also welcome our homecoming guests, the Prairie View Panthers.
MOB: "Go Rice!"

Rice has a history of great dance parties, but many students were unsure of which direction was forward and thus the Moonwalk was born.

Some say, "Why the Moonwalk?" and I say not because it is easy but because it is hard.

Formation: Shoe
Music: Billie Jean/Beat It
Action: Moonwalk
Video Board:
Announcer: Our diverse campus includes scholars from around the world. With this wide range of cultures, students often experience several different types of exotic dances.
Formation: Pyramid
Music: Stripper [to A], Walk Like an Egyptian
Action: Start strippi- oh wait no. Dance!
Announcer: Rice students sometimes struggle to have interactions with other humas. The MOB offers this advice: "When you have your first date at Esperanza, don't talk, just shut up and dance."
Formation: Script Rice
Music: Shut Up and Dance [at 27]
Action: Get others to dance
Announcer: The MOB wants to recognize the alumni members who traveled from far and wide to join us in the stands and on the field today. They're the ones wearing the gray baseball caps... We take no responsibility if the gray hat matches your hair color
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all

Rice vs. Louisiana Tech University

October 28, 2016
Joe Aillet Stadium — Ruston, LA

Result: L 16—61

"Spoopy Places"

Announcer: Please welcome the MOB to Aillet
From Houston, we'd like to say hiya!
It's been many long years
Since our last journey here
We're here to drop some sick fiyah!
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Announcer: Beyond Texas, few know our story
Ancient tales of satirical glory
So despite what they say
We were born this way
Forgive us, we're derogatory
Formation: Lone star
Music: Born This Way
Action: Wave (Rice) Texas flag in middle of star
Announcer: At the end of October's last day
Many wicked things come out to play
For one night a year
They fill folks with fear
As they go about their evil ways
Formations: Ghoul
Music: Evil Ways (Revised)
Action: Enter And-ghoul Graham the SA Ghost, doing his spooky thing
Announcer: We tuned to B-flat once we arrived
We entered the fray, the crowd had survived!
A battle of funk,
Rock and roll, ska, and punk
Just a band and its will to survive
Formation: B-flat
Music: Eye of the Tiger
Action: Run around as a ghost! MOB violins chase after ghost with bows in hand

The skeletons put down their trombones
The black cats went back to their witches
Werewolves howled with grief
And we sighed in relief
'Cause we defeated those sons of...

a gun.

Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all

Florida Atlantic University vs. Rice

November 5, 2016
Rice Stadium %mdash; Houston, TX

Result: L 42—25

"Owl-ection Show Time"

Announcer: Today we welcome our fellow Owls from Florida Atlantic. In order to not sway voters, the MOB will be using fake names in our show today.
MOB: "Woo"
Announcer: "Billary Hinton" has been called a crook, or in other words, a politician. The MOB would like to remind people of the real villain of student government: the IRS, or the Indifferent Rabble of Students.
Formation: IRS
Music: Money for Nothing
Action: IRS-Screw held by an inmate
Announcer: Russia recently hacked the MOB email server. They discovered our secret algorithm for encrypting names. Fortunately, "Layvid Deebron's"IT staff is working on a solution.
Formation: ‚úČ
Music: Back in the USSR
Announcer: "Tronald Dump" University is viewed by many as a money-stealing scam. Dump himself claims that this football game is rigged against the Owls. But if you elect the MOB for another halftime show, we promise to make Rice great again!
Formation: TU
Music: Another Brick in the Wall
Announcer: The MOB reminds you that lines for Tuesday's vote will be longer than usual. Talk to your doctor if you experience an election lasting more than four hours.
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all
Video Board: Credits: Directed by Thuck Crockmorton, Drum major: Spike Jasak, drum minor: Monnie Biller, Executive Producer: Grandrew Aham
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the 2016 Rice University Marching Owl Band! This is your announcer, Chad, and I'll be hanging out at the polls on Tuesday. I hope to see you, too.

University of Texas – El Paso vs. Rice

November 19, 2016
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: W 24—44

"Minor Thoughts"

Announcer: Today the MOB would like to take you on a journey through the minds of Rice students. You think we're stressed now? This isn't even our finals form!
MOB: "Woooooo"
Announcer: Currently our thoughts our filled with visions of turkeys and midterms. Little do our students know that school is out in less that three weeks. After that, many students struggle during winter break after quitting midterms "cold turkey."
Music: School's Out
Announcer: Inevitably, students will realize that after Thanksgiving is Dead Days. We have a few final things to do before school ends. We'll curse ourselves for forgetting our tests and proceed to bury ourselves in "Club Fondren."
Formation: A+
Music: Won't Get Fooled Again
Video Board:
Announcer: Today we welcome some local minors from high school. Let's get together like true Texans, and show the rest of the country how to party like it's 1836!
Formation: 1836
Music: Deep in the Heart of Texas
Action: Attempt to not scare the children, clap aggressively during certain parts of the song
Announcer: A big thank you to our visiting bands:
The Village School
Carillo Elementary School
and the Bravo School of Music
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all

Rice vs. University of Texas – Austin

September 3, 2011
Darrell K. Royal – Texas Memorial Stadium — Austin, TX

Result: L 9—34


Announcer: Ladies and steers, welcome to the first halftime show not to be broadcast on the Longhorn T-V network. Presenting the Show Band of South Main, the Rice University Marching Owl Band!
Music: (drum intro)
MOB: "Go Rice!"
Field Action: Band enters the field from the sidelines.
Formation: S E C

After decades of saying "goodbye" to "Texas University," the Aggies. Finally. Left. Yes, it's official. As of eight o'clock central daylight time, A&M announced its intent to join Satan's Evil Conference. We congratulate the S-E-C and the Big Twelve, as both conferences improve their average IQ.

[formation changes at the word "Satan"]

Formation: $ E C
Music: Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2
Field Action: Satan conjures a ticket to the SEC, which appears oddly in the form of a teenage love note. Satan approaches a UT player with a ticket to the SEC, but Texas rebuffs him. Baylor begs Satan for an opportunity, but Satan doesn't see that relationship lasting ("B*tch, please."). On the rebound, Satan finds the Aggies (doing something simple and repetitive) and figures he's got an easy score; intrigued, A&M accepts the invitation and skips off into the sunset, hand in hand.

Speaking of Aggies, there's the Texas Governor — A-and-M alumnus — Rick Perry. He looks like he needs a little direction. Okay, God, tell him. [long pause]

No? All right, everyone, let's try this:

Simon says, touch your ear.

MOB: All touch their ear.
Announcer: Simon says, jump up and down
MOB: All jump up and down while touching their ear.
Announcer: Now run for President!
Field Action: Rick Perry look-alike dashes toward a Barack Obama look-alike.

Nuh-uh! Simon didn't say!

So the next time you go to the polls, ask yourself: is your candidate smarter than an Aggie?

Formation: Outline of The State of Texas
Music: School's Out (for Summer)
Field Action:

After Perry flunks out from Simon Says, members of the press attempt to interview Obama with Perry attempting to steal the show every chance he gets.

Satan watches, amused, eating from an oversized bucket of popcorn.


Yes, Longhorn fans, Rick Perry isn't the only Texan desparate for a win this year. But don't worry, The MOB knows how to cure your sad cow disease, and dry the crying eyes of Texas. Whenever we're under the weather with a little irritable owl syndrome, there's only one prescription:


Formation: UH OH
Music: Eye of the Tiger
Field Action: Doctors examine UT and Rice football players, both are given pills and injections to "pump them up" for homecoming. While Rice gets up and runs for victory, UT merely falls down.
Announcer: The MOB reminds you that water restrictions are in effect. Stay inside and take comfort that droughts like these only hit Texas Football once every eighteen years.
Music: Louie, Louie
Field Action: Exeunt all.
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, the two-thousand and eleven Rice University Marching Owl Band! Directed by mister Chuck Throckmorton, with drum majors Ollie Barthelemy and Greg Narro, and Show Assistant executive producer Erin Lytle.
The MOB welcomes your feedback on Twitter @ricemob, or e-mail us at Your Mom at MOB dot Rice dot E-D-U.

Purdue vs. Rice

September 10, 2011
Rice Stadium — Houston, TX

Result: W 22—24

"If you build it, she will come"

Field Action: The MOB gathers on both sidelines in groups of approximately four people, each group with a bundle of cardboard.

Ladies and gentlemen, today the MOB presents a very special halftime performance. This is usually where we would tell you how a university with the initials "P-U" has a good chance of stinking up the Big Ten, or just how a boiler-maker is like a village bicycle.

But not today. Because after all, we are a band with class.

Field Action: Groups of MOBsters begin distributing the cardboard bundles on the field.

Today, as Rice University focuses on its centennial celebration, the MOB wishes to reflect on just how good we have it:

For instance, the Princeton Review says that we have the happiest students of any campus. We have a Division One football team playing its one-hundredth season. We have an irreverent marching band that continues to make national headlines a mere forty years since its inception.

And while U-T has its own brand of water... Rice has its own brand of beer.

But the success of Rice University transcends our small hedges — it is built upon strong relationships with our nation, and our local community. This year, the NASA Johnson Space Center celebrates its own fifty years of achievements, helping America and the world reach beyond our wildest imaginations.

On the field before you, the MOB assembles a two-thirds scale projection of the International Space Station — in honor of the men and women of Mission Control, who have inspired generations of young engineers, scientists, and dreamers.
For a bit of history on the first fifty years of collaboration between Rice and NASA, here is the MOB's director: Chuck Throckmorton.

Chuck Throckmorton:

My name is Chuck Throckmorton. I'm Director of Bands at Rice University, and director of The MOB — The Marching Owl Band. We're here at the Johnson Space Center to welcome back Rice alumna — and MOB alum — Shannon Walker, who has just come back from the International Space Station.

You know, Rice has a long history with the space program. Mission Control for NASA is in Houston, largely to the influence of George R. Brown and Congressman Albert Thomas, who were roommates at Rice. The land Johnson Space Center sits on was deeded to the United States government by Rice University. And in 1962, the speech by John F. Kennedy — it energized all of us to enter and take the leap into space — was given at Rice Stadium. And the spirit of what he said is still alive at Rice University. When he said, "We choose to go to the moon and do the other things not because they are easy, but because ... they're hard."

This subtle reminder is that: that milestone and many others will be celebrated at Rice's centennial celebration in October of 2012 — save the date. So where were we?

1963: Rice University opened the nation's first dedicated space science program. And in 1969, an experiment by a Rice professor landed on the moon in the first moon landing; there is a Rice University flag on the moon to this day. Since then, fourteen Rice University faculty and alumni have had the right stuff — or, the Rice stuff — to become astronauts and serve.

And one of those is native Houstonian, and MOB alumna and Rice alumna, Shannon Walker who has just returned from the International Space Station. Shannon, we are so proud of you, and you are such an inspiration both to Rice and to Houston, to young women everywhere who aspire to a career in the sciences, and just to random space geeks, I guess.

Shannon Walker:

Thanks, Chuck! I'm sorry I can't be with you in Houston today but, as you can see, I'm in Russia at the moment. But I didn't want to miss today's NASA Day game and the chance to salute both my friends at Rice University and my colleagues at the Johnson Space Center.

You know, I didn't happen to bring my french horn with me to Russia — but! — I do have this nice fedora, and I do have a cowbell! So if it's OK with you, I'd still like to join The MOB in playing a song. Shall we?

Music: Louie, Louie

Thank you, MOB alumna Shannon Walker.

And let's give a round of applause to the men and women of the Johnson Space Center who make up the heart of Space City, U-S-A.

While we are sad to see the Shuttle go, let us end not dwelling on the past but instead celebrating the future. Here's to the success of the International Space Station and the beginning of the next fifty years of Rice — NASA partnership.

Chuck Throckmorton:

Hey, Rice Stadium! I'm Chuck Throckmorton, Director of Bands at Rice.

And take a look at this! Is this impressive or what? This is the biggest prop I have ever seen on any football field anywhere, but we could not have done it ourselves. We had help from the aerospace club, from the cheerleaders, from Facilities and Engineering and Planning. We had it from alumni, we had it from our friends, we had it from graduate students — the entire Rice community came together to put the International Space Station on the field for you.

And the reason we did it is to point out how impressive this thing is. It is huge on a football field, and the real one is even bigger, and they built it in space!

Way, way cool. But I'm going to need your help. They expect to have a football game here in a little bit, don't they? So let's count it down so we can get the International Space Station back off the field.

Start at five, are you ready?

5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Go!
Yeah! Thank you Rice Stadium, and thank you ... NASA, ESA, and all of the space agencies. You inspire us, and we are proud to be a part of you.


Ladies and gentlemen, the two-thousand eleven Rice University Marching Owl Band!

We would like to express our most extreme gratitude to the Rice Office of Public Affairs for writing today's script.

Field Action: The band deconstructs the ISS and carries it off of the field.

UT vs. Rice
SMU vs. Rice
UH vs. Rice
Rice vs. Tulane
East Car vs. Rice

Lamar University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
September 5, 1987

Result: W 30—34

Announcer: Before we begin tonight's show, we'd like everyone to please rise as we honor the memory of those who, since last year, are no longer with us: Fred Akers, Joan Collins' marriage, the Shamrock Hilton, the Lamar University band, Dr. Robert Jones, and a beer for the road. May they rest in peace. [long pause]
Oh... Wait... [pause] and SMU football. You may be seated.
Action: SAs roll Randolph out on a gurney, covered in medical type garb to mid-field. Also have enormous DieHard battery there with equally enormous, and obvious, defibrillator paddles connected to the battery by huge wires (air-compressor coiled hoses). Somehow, we provide typical EKG/heart rate monitor "beeping" noises, with a prolonged "beeeeeeep" indicating no beat. Tubas are standing around the body, looking concerned and anxious, like worried family members. Drums are out on the field too.
Scoreboard: EKG trace
Announcer: Dateline: Houston. Home of the famous Texas Medical Center — where hearts that have stopped are routinely restarted every day. We're their neighbor, Rice University. And here before you tonight the MOB will attempt a far more difficult feat: to resuscitate the apathetic Rice student body.
Action: With pronounced de-fib action, the SAs attempt to get the season jump started. On the third of fourth try, Randolph's arm rises up from the gurney with the COWBELL, firmly grasped, to start Louie, Louie.
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: MOB enters field from tunnel
Announcer: Politics makes for strange bedfellows. PTL head Jim Bakker showed that even strange evangelists can bed their fellows. Payments of hush money and Tammy's blush money drove his ministry into bankruptcy, and now Bakker finds himself in the air-conditioned doghouse. Reduced to shopping at K-Mart, Jim and Tammy found out that the wage of sin is DEBT.
Formation: PTL [changes during music to] $$
Music: Shakedown
Formation: Blob with a palm tree and a Nicaraguan flag
Announcer: This is Nicaragua, home of the Contras. As you may have heard, someone in Reagan's camp sent the Contras money.
MOB: [scatters]
Announcer: Congress wanted to find out who it was, and pointed toward a very magnetic North, but they couldn't find a shred of evidence against him. The press Fawned all over him, and even though we lost our soaps, it was all good clean fun. However, as his popularity grew, so did his nose...
Formation: Profile of a face with a nose that grows
Music: La BAMBA
Announcer: Tonight marks the opening of Rice's football season, but it's always open season in politics. Gary Hart was the Democratic front runner for president until he engaged in a little bit of Monkey Business. The man who couldn't remember his last name, his age, or where he slept the night before will never forget what the Owls' gridiron opponents will learn this year: Don't mess with Rice.
Formation: HART
Music: Gimme Some Lovin'
Formation: RICE
Announcer: The Beach... Suntans... Summer... Over... Classes... eight o'clocks... Diffy-Q... eight-o'clock-Diffy-Q... Dinner... Joyce?... Alka-Seltzer... Pizza... Aaahhhh... Football... The MOB... Party... Toga... Otis... M'Man... SHOUT!
Formation: Shout routine formation
Music: Shout
Action: Bonnet off the field

Rice vs. University of Texas – Austin

Texas Memorial Stadium — Austin, TX
October 3, 1987

Result: L 26—45

Action: MOB enters from all sides into a scatter
Announcer: Once upon a time, there was a college athletic conference. But this conference had a problem. It had BIDS: Booster Immune Deficiency Syndrome — the great crippler of college football. Help was desperately needed, but where would it come from? The Centers for Disease Control?
MOB: "NO!"
Announcer: The FBI?
MOB: "NO!"
Announcer: Then who?
Formation: [On whistle, snap to] N C A A
Announcer: Uh-oh... It was worse than anyone imagined.
Music: 007
Action: Spy/detective types discover/uncover money and car keys changing hands
Announcer: It all started in the most unlikely of places: a school that was so nice that it lost most of its football games, just to make the other teams happy.
Formation: F R O G
Music: William Tell Intro
Action: Football players dressed as TCU people (purple) gracefully take a snap and then graciously hand the ball over to the opposing type team members (who are dressed in our Rice jerseys). The Rice person then runs viciously for the endzone
Announcer: But then, tragedy struck. For the first time in 19 years, they went to a bowl game. Was their immunity deficient? The coach called a team meeting and asked all those infected with BIDS to step forward.
MOB: "Me! Me!" The entire MOB moves forward, hands raised, into a loose concert formation
Announcer: It was unbelieeeeeeeeeeeevable. From there, the condition spread. In the mud huts of Panhandle U, they lost three scholarships. THE University lost five, forcing the coach to flee to the Greener Acres of Purdue. And at the state farm and sheep school, their star quarterback had it soooooo bad...
MOB: "How bad was it?"
Announcer: ...he had to turn pro and take a pay cut. [pause] There was one other school, but there's no point in beating a dead horse.
Formation: Car
Music: Can't Buy Me Love
Action: Flagpoles with conference flags, starting with Rice. The Rice flag goes all the way to the top, but each one after that falls short, with SMU at half-mast. "P" flags flying beneath the school flag denote probation (with "skull and crossbones" under the SMU flag). The flags are stiffened, so that they are readable even in the absence of a breeze.
Announcer: The state legislature was in a panic. Who could lead them out of this crisis? Well, the Governor had experience in these matters. Unfortunately it was the wrong kind of experience. So it was obvious there could be no help from executive Clements-y.
Formation: $ B I L L
Music: Gigolo
Action: Governor-type person stands on a soapbox-like platform and lectures to the crowd of football players while holding out money to them.
Announcer: But there was hope. One small, private school has shown no symptoms at all. Could they have the answer? Well, that school was looking forward to stompin their now-depleted foes into the ground, but, being good sports, they've decided to help: By using their so-called marching band to administer a series of booster shots to show that college football can be just plain fun again. Now hold still and take your medicine.
Formation: Syringe
Music: Twist and Shout
Action: Plunger in syringe moves, with the usual party-type stuff associated with the song. MOB bows and scatters off field.

Texas Christian University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
October 10, 1987

Result: L 30—16



Action: Does it really have to be explained?
Formation: Band runs out in four parts to M O B
Music: Turning It Loose
Announcer: The United States is at a crossroads. Our foreign policy is getting blown to pieces, while our domestic policy is falling apart. The national debt is going up, while the space program... isn't. What does America do in times like these? Why, look back to the good old days! And so, the MOB presents our list of the best Anniversaries for 1987! One very famous document has guided the lives of all Americans. Liberals hate some parts of it, while conservatives hate the rest. Yes, the Constitution is 200 years old — and faces yet another challenge. The new Supreme Court nominee will test whether the Constitution's Bork is worse than its bite.
Formation: Liberty Bell (crack and all)
Music: Liberty Bell March (Monty Python)
Action: Judge types in robes get rounded up and tied down...
Announcer: Not all anniversaries are happy ones. For it was ten years ago that we lost... Elvis. Yes, The King is gone — or is he? Could he be living on his own South Pacific island? Could he be his own South Pacific island? Or is his brain being held hostage by evil aliens from the planet Zort? Enquiring minds want to know! [sic]
MOB: "I want to know!"
Formation: Guitar
Music: Jailhouse Rock
Action: Elvis impersonators have a field day... film at 11.
Announcer: Hey, kids! When you came home from a long day at school, where a math class looks like nap time, P.E. looks like boot camp, and the girl flirting with you looks like Jabba the Hutt, what's the first thing you do? Why, reach for a Golden Anniversary can of Spam[reg.], of course!
Announcer: Spam[reg.] has been America's favorite after-school snack since 1937. So accept no imitations. Reach for the taste that will stick with you for days. Reach for Spam[reg.] — because it's canned meat, and it's fifty years old.
Formation: S P A M
Music: Everyone is Everything
Action: Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam...
Announcer: But there is one anniversary that stands out from all the rest. It's the septuaquinquennial!
MOB: "What?"
Announcer: The demisesquicentennial!
MOB: "What?"
Announcer: Rice is 75 years old!
MOB: "Oh..."
Announcer: And even after three quarters of a century, Rice students are still active, happy people... when given the correct stimulant. Watch as we shut the students' brains off!
Formation: R I C E
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Oh, there's a certain university... where the students are trained by Pavlov... when they hear a certain song, they just drool right on along, like their brains have just been hacked off...
Action: Beat a hasty retreat...

Texas A&M University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
October 24, 1987

Result: L 34—21

Southern Methodist University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
September 13, 1986

Result: W 14—28

"Ruthless People"

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight the MOB will present a hard-hitting look at some of the most cruel, vicious, heartless, and even rude people around — the original "Ruthless People." But, before we begin we must warn you that our show contains descriptions of various acts soooo graphic...
MOB: "How graphic are they?"
Announcer: ...They're so graphic that Edwin Meese put 15 pages about the MOB in his new book.
Action: MOB enters field
Music: 007 (James Bond Theme)

The antics of Colonel Moammar Gadhafi have outraged the entire world, except maybe non-European travel agencies. While sponsoring international terrorism, he drew a line of death and then double dared the United States to cross it. But, the Mad Dog of the Middle East was BARKING up the wrong tree.

He should have known that nobody double dares the Gipper ... uh ... I mean, nobody double dares the United States and gets away with it!

Formation: L I B Y A
Music: Danger Zone
Action: Aircraft stage a dogfight on the field
Announcer: Recent Houston budget problems showed us the ruthlessKathy Whitmire. To save money, she canned some garbage collectors and refused to listen to the complaints of the others — so, they walked out. Some concerned Houstonians pitched in to pick up solid waste. A group that's usually slinging it at each other: the City Council.
Formation: Garbage truck
Ease on Down the Road
Action: The Show Assistants trash the field, with the Mayor in a human-drawn trash-chariot
Music: Theme from JAWS
Action: MOB sneaks into a pre-formation
Announcer: Tax reform used to be like the weather — everyone talked about it but no one ever did anything. Congress finally did something. They produced a tax reform bill that handles tax problems simply — the taxpayer simply gets screwed. [pause] Once again, John Q. Public will have to face the ruthless American agency that even Gadhafi fears — the IRS.
Formation: [snap to] I R S
Music: Money for Nothing
Action: IRS agents holding giant screws run after taxpayers.
Formation: During song, band changes to 1 0 4 0
Action: MOB cleans up its act and goes to next formation
Announcer: Another ruthless Houstonian slings tr- ... uh ... hash for the Rice Food Service. Students have been eating Joyce's "food" for years. To keep the student body healthy, a computer system reads IDs to prevent ODs on things like baked fish, meat loaf, brisket, pork chops teriyaki, roast beast au shoes, twice baked potatoes, radioactive meatballs, chicken p'sketti, hydraulic turkey and hydraulic ham, pepperoni lasagna, spinach quiche, hockey pucks, and any of the infinite-hang-time desserts. Rice students will have to continue to PASS on meals, and anyone looking for good food will have to TRY AGAIN.
Formation: script Rice
Action: MOBsters fall dead, graphically, one by one, in domino effect, with a gong smash at the end of "e" in "Rice"
Announcer: But on the Rice campus, even food-service victims are resurrected by the lilting strains of one particular song...
Action: One by one, MOBsters return to life playing
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all

Texas State University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
September 20, 1986

Result: L 31—6


Announcer: WARNING: The show you are about to see contains some material which Texas, as of September 1st, considers unsuitable for consumption by those under 21 years of age. The new drinking age has even affected the MOB. Those younger than 21 can no longer play "Louie, Louie," but they can still listen and enjoy the new "Louie, Louie Lite."
Music: [Very small MOB] Louie, Louie
Action: Brass then joins from sideline
Announcer: New sources for alcohol will have to be discovered. One of them will be our neighbor to the south, Mexico. A place where everyone drinks beer and tequila, because it's the only safe thing to drink. The visitors who don't are soon forced to learn the Aztec Twostep.
Formation: Cockroach
Music: Tequila
Action: Mexican Hat Dance-type routine
Announcer: Have you ever tried to score without alcohol? Even with a drill team it can be difficult. These performers are famous for their desire to have a good time after the countless hours of exercise and practice needed to attain physical perfection. And now, the MOB proudly presents — the Completely Alcohol-Free Show Girls: the South Main Udders!
Formation: Unknown squiggle
Music: Easy Lover
Action: Strange drill-team routine
Announcer: The lack of alcohol in Texas will drive many people to drink... they'll drive all the way to Louisiana. The home of Bourbon Street, the state has long attracted alcohol enthusiasts. Louisiana is SO proud of its low drinking age...
MOB: "How proud is it?"
Announcer: So proud, they "now" call themselves "The State of Intoxication."
Formation: Fleur-de-lis
Music: Sing, Sing, Sing
Announcer: It's sobering to think that at 18 you can be tapped for the draft, but you can't have draught from the tap. Here at Rice, the change in the drinking age brings additional meaning to the term coherent minor. TGs will all be dry, and the bartenders in Willy's Pub will sing along with the Maytag repairman about loneliness...
Music: Gigolo

University of Texas – Austin vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
October 4, 1986

Result: L 17—14

"The Oil Slump"

Announcer: For its first 150 years, Texas was on top of the world. Life was good in the Lone Star State, and many thought the prosperity, like Darrell Royal, would last forever...
Formation: Oil derrick and oil pump
Music: Celebration
Action: Texas-type prosperity and fun
Announcer: Then came Akers... and acres of trouble. A calamity so frightening that it made children scream, women swoon, and grown men pass out naked in the back yard. For the first time, Texas faced the unthinkable: lots of oil — and no money. The worst depression since the closing of the Chicken Ranch.
Music: Texas Has a Whorehouse In It! [first phrase]
Announcer: [In rhythm with music] Texas has a deficit in it!
Music: Pissant
Action: The "pissant" routine
Announcer: The State Legislature was called into special session to solve our money problems. They answered the big questions as only they can: Who's to blame for this?
MOB: "HE IS!" [point at each other]
Announcer: Who's going to pay
MOB: "YOU ARE!" [point at crowd]
Announcer: In this way the legislature passed many bills — on to you. In searching for a quick fix, Gib Lewis, Speaker of the Texas House, announced that he has found — within the state — an enormous — untapped — pool — of pure money: ... the Permanent University Fund.
Formation: [snap to] U T
Announcer: But you were not amused.
Music: Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 2
Action: Hooded figure of Death uses scythe to destroy school-type objects. Cap-and-gown clad beings attack and kill Death.
Announcer: The problem of finding a source of money remained. The Aggies thought they had the answer when they planted a stick and dollar bill into the ground, and watched hopefully. But no one had the heart to tell them that money doesn't grow on trees.
Formation: Racetrack
Announcer: The Legislature thinks a dog and pony show can raise money. Horse racing may be a gamble, but it's a safe bet that the State Government has already gone to the dogs.
Music: Racetrack Fanfare, then William Tell [first phrase]
Announcer: [Loudly, in style of Elmer J. Fudd] Be vewwy, vewwy quiet — we'ah hunting wabbits!
Music: William Tell [continued]
Action: Various stuffed characters chase Playboy Bunnies around the track. MOB bows to audience after music.
Announcer: The federal government has a great way to make money: they print it. They tend to get somewhat upset when someone else tries this. The MOB offers a simple solution that lets us roll our own: SECEDE. Yeah, that's the ticket... Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the new National Anthem of Texas.
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: MOB boogies off field during song to sideline.

Texas Tech University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
October 18, 1986

Result: L 49—21

Announcer: Attention! Attention! Attention!
On behalf of Rice University, we would like to thank you for attending today's double attraction of sports and music. The best of Southwest Conference Football will continue after we present what you really came here to see and hear. Ladies and gentlemen, the group that has entertained thousands with their musical talent and gift for fun. Let's have a warm welcome for the amazing audio and vivid... vibrant... visceral... visual sensation, (just beginning their concert tour here in Rice Stadium)... THE MOB.
Action: Enter from fringes of field. When settled, drums start "Go Rice!" cheer
Formation: Lines
Music: Surf
Formation: M O B
Announcer: Glen Miller, Benny Goodman, and Count Basie were the big names in the big bands of the past, but today one of the biggest names of a truly BIG band is The Goin' Band From Raiderland. This band is big. It's verrry big. It's soooo big...
MOB: "How big is it?"
Announcer: It's soooo big it couldn't afford the bus fare to Houston... [drum lick] ...And here's the MOB!
Formation: Trombone
Music: Corner Pocket
Action: The trombone's slide extends and retracts
Action: During following script, MOBsters fall asleep one by one
Announcer: Our next selection is by Giacchimo Antonio Rossini; born in 1792 and died in 1868. A Deutsche-Grammaphone recording of his Overture from the opera The Barber of Seville, Opus 17. The full opera was first performed on February 20, 1816, to poor reviews, and has not been heard from since...
MOB: "Get on with it!"
Announcer: The overture's popularity in America is due solely to the efforts of cartoon opera star Bugs Bunny. Today we hear the overture performed by the Symphonic Owl Band of Rice University, under the (mis)direction of Maestro Kenneth Dye. [pause] Also available on compact disc.
Formation: Music staff with an eighth note
Music: Barber of Seville
Action: The eighth note changes to a treble clef with notes running about
Announcer: The new wave of morality in America has shown a concern for the possible link between rock music and devil worship. The MOB will leave no stone unrolled in its efforts to prove that it's not a band to show sympathy for the devil. Naturally, the MOB only performs songs with simple words... [pause] or nothing intelligible at all... [eight cowbell beats]
Ed. — This would normally begin Louie, Louie
Sorrrry, just teasing...
Formation: Guitar
Music: Jumpin' Jack Flash
Action: Rock-musician-types leap from speaker boxes
Formation: Squiggles
Announcer: If you think you're good and ready, we'll go on. [MOB waves] Knock! Knock!
MOB: "Who's there?"
Announcer: James.
MOB: "James who?"
Announcer: NO... James Watt. [MOB cringes in fear] remember him? He thought that certain performers could attract an undesirable element... [pause] an undesirable element like
MOB: "Them!" [points at Rally Club in stands]
Announcer: To prevent any such problems here, the University has plans to initiate a drug-testing program for anyone engaged in extra-curricular activities, including the athletic teams, the cheerleaders, and the MOB... The MOB! Uh-oh...
MOB: [Screams in abject terror while cringing even more]
Vocalist: Now waaaaaaaitt a minute... [vocalist continues]
Music: Shout!
Action: The squiggles change to straight lines
Announcer: This is a test. For the next 100 seconds this band will conduct a test of the First Ever in Rice Stadium After Game Concert's About To Begin Warning System. This band, in voluntary cooperation with University officials, is conducting this test in order to provide you with a fair warning that the Beach Boys post-game concert is about to begin. When you hear this tune after the game, please get comfortable for the beginning of the concert. This is only a test...
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all.

Rice vs. Texas A&M University

Kyle Field — College Station, TX
October 25, 1986

Result: L 10—45

"The Immigrants"

Announcer: 1986 marks the one-hundredth anniversary of the Statue of Liberty. The MOB would like to mark this occasion by honoring those who have formed the basis of our society — the immigrants. Let's now pay tribute to the "huddled masses of wretched refuse from teeming shores."
Formation: 1 0 0
Music: I Want to Live in America
Action: Usual immigrant show opening
Announcer: The choice to leave one's native land can be very difficult. Then again, sometimes it's very easy. Take Libya... please! Colonel Moammar Gadhafi wanted to make life as hard for American tourists as he does for the Libyan people. When push came to shove, however, the U.S. showed that Gadhafi's defense was about as good as the Longhorns'. And for all his boasting, Gadhafi, like Edwin Simmons, found himself caught with his pants down.
Formation: L I B Y A
Music: P.A.
Action: American aircraft beat the hell out of Libyan aircraft painted in orange and white
Announcer: The MOB would like to recognize a very special group of immigrants. These people have let nothing stop them in their pursuit of the American Dream. Against all odds, they have dodged all obstacles, including the Immigration Service, in their persistence to live and work in America — the land of the free and second home to some of the best synchronized swimmers south of the Rio Grande.
Formation: Outline of Texas
Music: Far From Over
Action: SAs positioned on the Mexican side of the field do a synchronized swimming routine and try to cross the Rio Grande at the same time
Announcer: Two hundred years ago, the Yankees threw the British off this land. Twenty years ago, we welcomed them back with open arms. The British came with guitars instead of grenades, and groups like The Beatles changed the sound of American music forever. Today, the British Invasion is alive and well, even where the munitions still outnumber the musicians.
Formation: "Shout!" formation
Music: Twist and Shout
Action: "Twist and Shout" kind of action
Announcer: We are a nation of immigrants, brought here by the wealth of opportunity offered by this land, where people of all races, creeds, colors ... and Aggies flourish with the blessings of Liberty. It is these things which first made our land great, and those who followed Lady Liberty's beacon have kept it great. Please rise as the MOB honors our country.
Formation: Pregame shield
Music: This Is My Country
Action Exeunt all to a standing ovation

Baylor University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
November 15, 1986 — Homecoming

Result: L 23—17


MOB: "Go Rice!"
Formation: M O B
Music: Turning It Loose
Announcer: Many scientists believe that the MOB evolved from primitive ape-like beings, although most believe that primitive ape-like beings evolved from the MOB. Creationists believe that the MOB simply appeared in December of 1971. For Homecoming, we will set this misconception to rest as we go back to the very beginning, to examine the Evolution of the MOB...

Billions and billions of years ago, the Earth was a molten mass. Slowly the Earth cooled...
MOB: "Get on with it!"
Announcer: Oh all right — we won't go that far back. The origins of the MOB really began about five million years ago, when primitive hominids first learned the secret of Rock music...
Music: [Grunted] Louie, Louie
Action: In place of cowbell, SA in gorilla suit bangs rocks together. Perhaps more people with rocks try to act like the drum noise is coming from the rock banging
Announcer: Evolution took a major leap forward with the development of musical notes. However, the primitive Hunter-Gatherer Bands of the Stone Age were not aware of the limitations of stone as a material for musical instruments, while we... [pause] ...take it for granite.
Formation: Dinosaur
Music: The Flintstones
Action: SAs try to play stone instruments without notable success. There are, however, notable accidents as the mind-bogglingly heavy instruments fall on their players or others helping to hold them. These players are all dressed in Flintstone-style costumes
Announcer: Fossil records show that many of these early forms of MOBster soon became extinct. We have with us today, however, actual living specimens of the ancestral MOB species: Australopithecus Alumnus. These survivors of the ICE AGE or BIG CHILL will now perform a carefully-restored classic from their long-vanished era. Here they are, perfectly preserved, the Rice Alumni Band.
Formation: Timeline
Music: Rock Around the Clock
Announcer: Finally, Evolution reached its ultimate peak and the modern MOB appeared. As primitive, vestigial traits such as marching vanished, the MOB began to spread outward, sweeping all other life forms aside until it finally achieved its present position of halftime supremacy. We've come a long way...
Formation [Script] Rice
Music: Rice's Honor [played by both bands]
Music: Louie, Louie [started by grunting, indicating that absolutely nothing has really changed]

United States Air Force Academy vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
November 22, 1986

Result: W 17—21

MOB: [Lined up in endzone] "Go Rice!"
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, you just saw the Marching Falcons, representing the United States Air Force Academy. They were brought here by military charter at government expense. Your tax dollars hard at work.
Action: MOB marches 10 yards, then scatters
Announcer: Regardless of what you might think, at least the Air Force band is really in the military, and not just playing soldier ... like the Aggies.
Formation: Airplane (1)
Music: Airplane Medley [part one]
Action: At end of part one, the MOB flies to the next set
Announcer: Each year the IRS collects billions and billions of you tax dollars. Haven't you wondered what the IRS does with all the money they collect? Well... now you know.

Hmmff. The MOB's entire season cost less than the jet fuel to get their band here.
Formation: Airplane (2)
Music: Airplane Medley [part two]
Action: MOB continues flying after music
Announcer: The Reagan Administration has committed itself to letting private industry take over unprofitable government agencies. That's why the government decided to get rid of its most deficit-ridden department — the Air Force. There was only one problem — even Frank Lorenzo wouldn't buy it. However, after weeks of intensive and highly-classified talks, the government finally did the only thing it could — The Air Force was traded to Iran for hostages to be named later.
Formation: Crashing airplane
Music: Airplane Medley [finale]
Action: The airplane formation crashes into the sideline during music, then scatters
Announcer: The skies above us are not so friendly anymore, with both superpowers working on space-based defense systems. The United States has its "Star Wars" program, intended to place an anti-missile shield over this nation. Whether Ronnie's RAY-GUN will work is being debated, but already the program has produced one tangible result. It has succeeded in creating the world's first black hole... for money.
Formation: S D I
Music: Star Wars Main Theme
Action: SAs gezilch projectiles toward and then through the goal posts
Announcer: Five years ago, the government figured out a way to save money for the salaries of air traffic controllers. They fired them. In desperation the FAA replaced them with graduates of the air traffic controller school at Texas A&M. They only had to hire six for each airport — one to look at the radar screen and five to yell the commands out of the control tower window.
Formation: Runway (again) (Ed. — again?)
Music: Sabre Dance
Action: Gorilla misdirects SAs in airplane costumes
Announcer: How many times has this happened to you? You're in mid-flight, soaring above the clouds, when the stewardess suddenly announces that the plane is landing immediately, because the airline has just declared bankruptcy. Why?? Any oil company executive can tell you... Chapter 11 — really — will...
MOB: "Save you money!"
Formation: J U M P
Music: Rock Lobster
Formation: D O W N
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Lots of people jump, leap, fly, or simply plummet, then exeunt all to standing ovation

Rice vs. University of Houston

The Astrodome — Houston, TX
November 29, 1986

Result: W 14—13

"101 Things"

Action: MOB is bunched together on sideline
Announcer: ATTENTION, ATTENTION, ATTENTION... The MOB is preparing to play their first tune, please extinguish all fires and return yourselves to the upright and locked position... The show you are about to see contains scenes so graphic...
Announcer: It's SO graphic that parents are advised to videotape it for children who are not able to see it in person. Here, we'll spell it out for you:
Announcer: This afternoon the MOB would like to show you just a few of the 101 Things You Can Do With A Marching Band, That Doesn't March.
Formation: M O B
Music: Twist and Shout
Action: The usual singing
Announcer: The MOB is a group of trained professional entertainers, and we would like to caution you against trying this next routine in your own home — the odds of incurring serious injury are just too great...

A marchingless band like ours can easily demonstrate many of the laws of nature. Opposites attract. Brownian motion. Entropy. Elastic collision — just watch the tubas. Even the Coriollis effect as our season rapidly goes down the tubes.
Formation: D O W N
Music: Rock Lobster
Action: Demonstrate every known natural law, with formation swirling somewhat at end to demonstrate the Coriollis effect. MOB returns to feet at end of song
Announcer: The MOB salutes the University of Houston officials who made the valiant attempt to play the Cougars' homecoming game, on campus, in Robertson Stadium. Although the Southwest Conference forced you to play the game here in the Dome, our hats are off to you for at least trying to let the teams play... on grass. If only the Longhorns had shown this kind of support for Edwin Simmons.
Formation: Coat hanger
Music: The Stripper
Announcer: Where were you in 1962? Most undergrads weren't anywhere. But you could have been a man who took over a struggling football program and turned it into a winner. Coach BIll Yeoman did just that with the Cougars. Now Bill is moving on to a new challenge... raising money for the Cougars during these hard times. We in the MOB would like to say "farewell" to the Coach and offer him a token of our respect... and encouragement for his new position... his first donation...
Formation: B I L L
Music: Auld Lang Syne
Formation: B Y E
Action: Ken Dye gives a framed dollar bill to a representative of the coach (his son, Gary)
Music: Louie, Louie
Action: Exeunt all

Rice vs. Southern Methodist University

Texas Stadium — Irving, TX
September 8, 1979

Result: L 17—35

"Performing Arts in Houston"

Announcer: For the benefit of those who don't often get to Houston from the suburbs of Ft. Worth, the MOB would like to showcase the breadth of culture and good taste that is available in Houston. Because Houston is not only a city of art deco, ship channels, and little Greek dives down by the waterfront, but a community of tasteful people. And since the MOB itself is something of a dabbler in things with good taste, it would like to share with you all a hearty howdy-do to... the Performing Arts in Houston.
Action: MOB forms a semicircle at midfield with a conductor in tux prominently at front.
Announcer: First in our program this afternoon is a look at the Houston Symphony, a totally professional group of musicians and union members who meet the needs of a Houston audience. The MOB will recapture some of the highlights from past seasons, as the Houston Symphony gained further acceptance by playing symphony for the people. Ladies and gentlemen, the Houston Marching Symphony, conducted this week by ... uh ... another in a series of talented virtuosos, as they perform Richard Wagner's score from the movie 2001: A Space Oddysey.
Music: Man and Superman
Action: Band plays the all-too-familiar passage from Wagner's "Man and Superman," as the conductor directs with a plumber's helper. As the band finishes with a clash, scantily clad young ladies on the sidelines hold up cards that read "APPLAUSE" to the audience. If done properly, this could be supremely low class.
Announcer: The Houston Marching Symphony will now perform "The Lone Ranger Overture" at a slow trot.
Music: William Tell Overture
Action: Under guidance of conductor directing by clapping two coconut halves together, band plays William Tell Overture passage. Rows of MOB members canter in place in time to music. At finish, girls at sidelines hold up cards with "CLAP A LOT" printed on them, smiling and posing like those women on daytime game shows who adoringly show off the prizes.
Announcer: For their final number, the Houston Marching Symphony will now present Tchaikovsky's Symphony No. 5 in E minor, Opus 64.
Action: Conductor looks up at press box like he has just been thrown a curveball. He rummages through music n front of him, throwing sheets up in the air, pats himself to make sure it's not in one of his pockets, shuffles around some, and finally looks up as though he has just thought up an innovative way to get out of the dilemma. He taps the MOB Symphony to attention, raises his directing umbrella, and leads the MOB down the field in semicircular formation to Monty Python Theme. All move with silly step routine. Girls on sidelines hold up cards reading "CHEAT A LOT."
Music: Monty Python Theme
Action: MOB breaks up and reforms in end zone as announcer continues
Announcer: Yet what is the good of performing arts without competition to ensure that the performers are always on their toes. When a ballerina pirouettes, who can compare it with pirouettes from past seasons or pirouettes performed by other ballet teams? Why not take the best features of sporting and cultural events
Ed. — The page cuts off here; the remainder of the show is missing.

University of Oklahoma vs. Rice

September 29, 1979

Result: L 63—21


Announcer: Back in the days when poverty was a necessity, writers like John Steinbeck brought us tales of brave men and women not too proud to wear ragged clothes and eat their pets. Here were no sour grapes, but a simple determination to live off the land, wherever the wind might blow it. With the advent of Rodgers and Hammerstein, the theater was exposed to a musical version of life when men were harder and Indians ran wild in "Oklahoma."
Action: Band enters from sideline
Formation: O K
Music: Oklahoma!
Announcer: The curtain opens to a scene from the western Indian country, at the turn of the century. Curley is coming to visit his girlfriend Laurey to invite her to a social. Laurey is playing hard to get, and decides to go with Moe instead. In the second act, Curley, Laurey, and Moe are bidding for Laurey's box. Curley ultimately wins, and he goes offstage with Laurey to eat his prize. Moe is left to sing the Rodgers and Hammerstein hit "I Got Plenty of Nuttin'."
Music: I Got Plenty of Nuttin'
Announcer: The romance of Curley and Laurey develops quickly. Curley gets a job as a missionary with the Indians, and Laurey wants to help him with his missionary position. Soon, they are forced to get married when she discovers she is late. In this moving scene, she sing Rodgers and Hammerstein's hit "Get Me to the Church in Time."
Formation: Wedding bells
Music: Get Me to the Church in Time
Announcer: Laurey's father, Menachem, laments that he is unable to give his daughter the kind of wedding he would like. He had become wealthy by most standards by making undergarments out of the Oklahoma dirt, which he called Fruit of the Loam. Here we see Menachem beggin' for a better lot in life as he sings Rodgers and Hammerstein's hit "If I Were a rich Man."
Formation: Violin
Music: If I Were a Rich Man
Announcer: In the final scene of the musical, one must wonder whatever made the production so popular, until you discover that Curley and Laurey are going off into the promised land, to make a start in life with opportunities and riches and dreams untold. As they ride off into the sunset, the air is filled with Rodgers and Hammerstein's most famous number... well, let's see if you recognize it!
Formation: Wagon
Music: California, Here I Come!
Action: Exeunt all

Texas Christian University vs. Rice

October 13, 1979

Result: L 17—7


Setting: Stadium lights are down; MOB on field in symphony formation
Announcer: In the beginning, He made the heavens and the earth, and likeing the way it looked, decided to call it a day. On Wednesday, He made the grasses in the field, and the poppies in the meadow, and the peyote cactus in the desert. Before the weekend came, He fashioned Man out of twigs and topsoil, and breathed life into him with the Holy Bicycle Pump. For now it was all passably good. Being a bit bored with good, He created the not-quite-as-good, and called his handiwork... "Frog."
Music: Also Sprach Zarathustra [first few bars]
Action: A spotlight hits a costumed Frog at the crescendo. At finish, stadium lights come up.

Due to an oversight, Frog was forgotten when Man and Woman were giving names to all the animals; and since Cecil, Francis, and Kermit were already taken, Frog decided to earn himself the name "Conniving Scoundrel." So Frog led Woman to believe that partaking of the forbidden fruit would pave the way for clothing, and lipstick, and hydraulic orange juicers; and she did bite. Upon which a voice thundered down from a large cardboard cloud [prop]:

"O crafty Frog, from henceforth thy name shall be Horned Frog, and thou shalt spend thy days hopping around on thy belly, getting shredded by lawnmowers and mashed by tractor trailers."

Formation: Tree and lawnmower
Action: Frog entices Woman with an oversized pineapple, cowers under the cloud, then wanders into the blades of the mower. Blades of mower revolve as MOB plays.
Music: Theme from M*A*S*H
Announcer: Despised as they were, Frog and his offspring refused to be kept down on the pond. Note how Joseph was sold into slavery for his coat of many frogs. After many weeks in the ark, remember how Noah trusted a frog to search for dry land, and its triumphant return with a lily pad in its mouth. Baby Moses himself was found on the river among the bullfrogs, and later plagued Egypt with a pestilence so unclean and disgusting that the Pharaoh let the Israelites depart before everyone got covered with warts.
Formation: f r o G changing to G O
Music: Exodus [reggae version]
Announcer: After many generations of this, the frogs looked forward to a day when they would not be a standard of everything repulsive in the world. They could not understand why wanton women should be called Prostitoads, or why thieves should be whipped with a frog-o'-nine-tails. They protested the charge that frogs spread leprosy, when anyone with a ganglia in his head knew that leprosy comes from eating unwashed vegetables. Great was the frogs' relief when word arrived that someone important was on a mount preaching, "Blessed are the spotty little reptiles, for they shall inherit free samples of Compund W."
Formation: Mountain or wart
Music: Go Tell It on the Mountain
Announcer: At last, there were flies at the end of the tunnel. Maybe the frogs would not always wind up as food for owls. Maybe they would not always suffer the humiliation of mean children sticking lit firecrackers in their mouths. Maybe, just maybe, there was such a thing as... Frog Heaven.
Music: At the Hop
Action: Exeunt all

Texas Tech University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
October 21, 1978

Result: L 42—28

Action: Band(s) enter(s) from tunnel
Music: National Geographic Theme

Any dictionary will tell you that when kangaroos travel in groups, they are called a mob. But when their neighbors to the north get together, they are called the Red Chinese. Unlike the kangaroos, the Chinese are a disciplined group. They dress alike, look alike, and even march to traditional songs. In other words, they put on lousy halftime shows.

With nearly a billion people to organize, you need a fearless leader with a strong party to back him up. That is what Red China had in the crucial years — a party that promised rice in every pouch, and a chairman with the ability to organize great pep rallies. Just who was this leader of the party made for you and me...

The last thing Mickey Mao needed was trouble from bothersome kangaroo mobs. Led by the notorious Captain Kangaroo and his sidekick Mister Greenjeans, the menacing marsupials caused earthquakes and general Confucius, making large chinks in the Great Wall. Even a tough system of kangaroo courts led by a Russian Dancing Bear was unable to keep them out.

Formation: Mickey Mouse
Music: I Feel the Earth Move
Announcer: Meanwhile, back at the Olympics, the Chinese entered the furry invaders into the long jump, high jump, and bamboo pole vault events. They even had a gang of four in the volleyball competition. And before the Grandfather clockcould wind down, they had filled their pouches with gold and silver medals.
Music: Olympic Fanfare
Announcer: Who can say where this Red Plague will strike next? Already we have experienced the Hong Kong flu, purchased thousands of Chinese checkerboards, and named a school in the Southwest Conference after their favorite food. Soon they may unleash their ultimate weapon, guaranteed to put an end to everything, even this silly show. it isn't pretty, but Chinese fire drills seldom are.

Rice vs. University of Houston

The Astrodome — Housotn, TX
December 2, 1978

Result: L 25—49

"A Lesson in Economics"




Action: MOBsters, dressed regularly except for jackets and ties over their vests, march to midfield
Scoreboard: PROBLEM #1: U + H = ?
Formation: $
Music: The Sting
Action: $ marches into ¢
Action: Commercial break as MOBsters in suits and bull heads kick up dust and run over a couple other MOBsters. Stretchers can remove a couple injured instruments.
Announcer: At H&R MOB, our specially trained finance experts know how you should go about securing that one thing you've wanted so bad you can practically taste it right now. Yes, we understand you have an interest in protecting your cotton investment this season, so H&R MOB suggests that you corner the Q-Tip industry. That way, you can take all that luscious, fluffy cotton and stick it in a secure place.
Formation: Q-Tip and ear
Music: Dixie
Action: Q-Tip marches into the ear
Scoreboard: Rebel flag
Announcer: No public university can claim a sufficient number of deductions without an absolutely gigantic marching band to write off as a dependent. In Houston alone there is one marching band so huge it can spell out "ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM" with three "G"s to spare. With a band this size, you need a mascot so fierce nobody will laugh when they find out you've named it after a brand of root beer.
Formation: Cat face
Music: Shasta Root Beer Theme
Action: To parody the UH white glove treatment, certain MOB members can lay on their backs and stick their feet up in the air, cum white socks.
Scoreboard: [animated from right to left] M E O W then L S ["M E" scrolls off the left side, leaving "OWLS"]
Announcer: The qualified financial analysts of H&R MOB know a good investment when it hits them over the head. That is why you are urged to start collecting pieces of art as a student. Simply by going to a local art festival, you can be exposed to things that normally hang in private collections. The artists at such festivals always appreciate coverage, so even if you go just to look, at least you can get a photograph and run it in the fine arts section of the student newspaper.
Formation: Camera
Music: The Stripper
Scoreboard: FLASH PHOTO?
Announcer: If you are not completely satisfied with the advice of H&R MOB, you may ignore us absolutely free of charge. And if the government should arrest you and throw you in jail for investment fraud and tax evasion, you can count on us to be unhappy about it. Because at H&R MOB, you aren't just a client, you're a patsy.
Music: Happy Trails
Action: Exeunt all

Rice vs. Baylor University

Floyd Casey Stadium — Waco, TX
November 12, 1977

Result: L 14—24

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, today the MOB takes a look at a little-known segment of the Rice community. Journey with us now to the make-believe world of the arts at Rice.
Action: Band enters from sidelines
Announcer: Hidden in the musty shadows of the Rice tennis stadium are two showpieces of modern architecture. Known to all of us as Mediocre Center and the Art Barn, these structures house numerous unclaimed works of art and occasional damaged freight. Most importantly, they have provided the opportunity for Rice students to observe the intrinsic cultural value of such epics as King Kong and Behind the Green Door. Join the MOB in their musical cry for continued lusty entertainment — "More, more, more!"
Formation: Two buildings
Music: More, More, More
Announcer: Nestled in the groin of the Rice campus, the school of architecture meets after curfew every evening in Anderson Hall. Most of what goes on here can only be surmised from rumors and the graffiti which we have read in their restrooms. You may have lived next door to an ARCHI for years and not known it. Next time you pull an all-nighter, take a break and drop by the archi labs — if you dare!
Formation: Two bloodshot eyes
Music: Strangers in the Night
Announcer: Most of the modern sculptures on the Rice campus were hauled away by overzealous garbagemen until Sewall Hall was built to protect them.Now, however, a crazed welder can fuse oil drums to a '55 Chevy and not have to worry about having it towed away. The MOB has formed their own creation entitled "Shootout at the Chewing Tobacco Factory" for your viewing pleasure.
Formation: Amorphous blob
Music: Hey, Look Me Over
Announcer: The year 1975 marked a milestone in Rice cultural history. This was the inaugural year of the Sheepherder School of Music... and with it came a whole batch of courses which were impossible to schedule. Under the command of Emperor Samerius Jones, the MOB is being mutated into the Marching Owl Orchestra, or the MOO, as it shall come to be known. With us today is the owner of the finest stereo equipment on campus, the Wizard of the Eighth Flat, His Royal Highness, Emperor Jones!
Formation: Concert formation
Music: Theme from Bullwinkle
Action: Jones is carried out on a sedan chair
Announcer: For his guest performance today, the Emp — as he is known by the band — has chosen a challenging piece for our fledgling group entitled "Symphonies for Sightless Mice, Opus #3." If you please, Micetro!
Music: Three Blind Mice
Announcer: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. And remember, one man's trash is another man's treasure. Don't miss the annual Rice Art Show and Garage Sale.

University of Utah vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
September 18, 1976

Result: W 22—43

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, appearing for the first time this season — a group that is known from College Station to the Astrodome — the Showband of South Main — the 1976 MOB!
Action: Band enters field during pauses in above presentation

As you may know, our critics often point to an apparent lack of precision in our marching formations. Instead, the praise the well-rehearsed drills of other college bands: the ones that send people rushing to the concession stands, and have been known to put small children to sleep. Tonight, we will prove that we can do everything other bands can do — better.

Let us begin with a drill called the counter-march, which is very popular with college military bands. In the MOB, we call this maneuver "advancing to the rear!"

Action: Band marches up field and back
Music: Colonel Bogey Theme
Announcer: Up in Austin, the college band does a routine called the diamond drill. This university, of course, is best known for having established the famous Monte Carlo, Cutlass, T-Bird, and Corvette football scholarships. In addition, they give music scholarships to people who carry flags. The MOB is not as fortunate, however, and we ask our people to perform double duty.
Action: Diamonds march at each other with jousting poles. Casualties result; emergency corps runs out on field to assist.
Announcer: Some of the all-male bands do a little gay routine called the pinwheel. The MOB got a peek at their practice sessions, and this is how they went...
Action: Band turns around two giant Maypoles
Announcer: The marching bands in the Texas Panhandle can be so big, they must compensate for the curvature of the earth in their formations. They do a routine called the circle drill, which was an idea they got while making oil wells, and their music features several herds of majorettes. The MOB is so small, of course, that they travel in Volkswagens on band trips. Nevertheless, we, too, are proud to introduce our new twirlers!

Rice vs. Louisiana State University

Tiger Stadium — Baton Rouge, LA
September 25, 1976

Result: L 0—31

"Kenya Digwhat Amin"

Announcer: He knew he was destined for greatness early in his life. He spent his free time playing mumbly peg with dim-witted quadrupeds. In his high school yearbook, he appears as the captain of the Schizophrenia Club. Lest his cherished 0.2 grade point average be wasted, he plots for the blackmail of the principal and earns the title of valedictorian for life.
Formation: ?
Music: Pomp and Circumstance
Action: Idi Amin parades down the sideline. Plants in audience throw objects and boo.
Announcer: Idi then goes away to Uganda A&M University, where he majors in civil disobedience. He works at odd jobs to make money, spending his weekends working as a tailgunner on a banana truck. It was during this period that he met the first of his several hundred wives. She was a patient recuperating from a prefrontal lobotomy, but she could not resist his passionate overtures. Her name was Digwhat and, after a brief honeymoon, Idi and Digwhat made their home in a late model Cadillac.
Formation: Heart
Music: [love song]
Announcer: Then disaster struck: A civil war broke out, and the flowers of Uganda's youth were wiped out in the fighting — half-brother against half-brother. A V.D. epidemic spreads through the country as well, but young Idi — largely because of the resistance he had developed — spurns the penicillin he is offered. He takes over command of the rebel troops from a field post in Israel, where he is given the nickname "Coon Ass."
Formation: Two cannons, facing each other
Music: Over There
Action: A war against V.D.
Announcer: With the war over, Idi runs for president against the late incumbent. Thanks to his clever politicking, he had 5 times more votes than the entire population of Uganda. Under his leadership, the biggest domestic industry is that of the undertakers. The literacy rate has fallen, etc. The MOB has formed the new national flag of Uganda: two loose screw on a field of ignorance.
Formation: Flag

Texas Tech University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
October 16, 1976

Result: L 37—13
Ed. — This is the best guess performance date for this script from sometime in the 70s.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the question has often been asked, "What will the MOB be like in the future?" After many hours of genuflection and a few trips to our greasy Quija [sic] Board, we have perceived the answer to this riddle. Tonight, we are proud to present the MOB 50 years from now — the Geriatic Owl Band!
Action: Band shuffles out of tunnel dressed as senior citizens
Announcer: Yes friends, here comes the group that has been laughed at by more people than even the Rice cheerleaders. While we're waiting for them to get into their first formation, I'll bring you up to date on what has happened over the years. The uniforms, you may note, are the same. They have survived floods, fistfights, and hollow attempts by the administration at replacing them. Fortunately, a recent plan hopes to shrink the coats and sell them as tuxedos for cockroaches. The fuzzy white hats were sold several years ago to be used as Q-tips for sperm whales. And, to this day, wherever the band goes, their critics are sure to be right behind them.
Action: Band has assumed first formation; drum major blows whistle
Announcer: On those lazy afternoons while they're waiting for the morning mail, the aging MOBsters like to pass the time feeding their pet cowbirds. By smuggling out their ample leftovers from dormitory meals, they provide the daily minimum requirement for thousands of these feathered friends. As a result, these handsome pets make a point of "dropping by" the campus every day.
Music: Raindrops Keep Falling in My Head
Announcer: Some people wonder if there's sex after sixty. We'd like to think that there is, but we're not sure. We've been at Rice all this time, and we're not even sure there is sex after high school. The MOB has formed two doubting hearts and plays tribute to their 50 years of cold showers.
Formation: Two hearts
Music: Will You Still Love Me at 64?
Announcer: Some things in life cannot be hurried at our age. Although other people rely on Serutan to help Nature's way, the food service has been adding a secret ingredient to all main dishes served on campus for years. The MOB has formed a prune and salutes this unsung fruit with a little number to get the band moving.
Formation: Prune
Music: Pop, Pop, Fizz, Fizz
Action: Bands marches off field to music
Announcer: There you have it fans, a real bunch of regular guys! Thank you and good night.

Rice vs. University of Houston

(Rice visitor) Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
November 27, 1976

Result: L 20—42

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, in honor of the newest member of the Southwest Conference, the MOB would like to salute the "other" university in town — know affectionately by its initials as "UH" or "You Hoo!"
Announcer: The MOB would like to congradulate [sic] to Bougars [sic] on their fine record this season — it's about time somebody's team got LUCKY! The winner of today's game will receive the Bayour Bucket [sic] we're not sure what comes in the bucket — maybe enough (breast and thighs) drumsticks and coleslaw to feed the winners. Speaking of chicken, the loser will play the Houston Oilers to determine who will receive a map of La Grange autographed by Maaaaaarvin Zindler!
Formation: Bucket
Music: Football Hero
Announcer: The MOB took a trip to the Cougar campus to find out more about our sister school. Unfortunately, we were unable to find a place to park! So we took a survey and found there were 2,500 more cars than students enrolled on campus. We suspect that the U of H campus is where they store the cars used to clog the Gulf Freeway in the afternoons! To salute this mess, the MOB has formed and [sic] empty parking space and plays "It's Impossible."
Formation: 3/4 of a diamond
Music: It's Impossible
Announcer: We stumbled upon registration which seems to be a recreation of Napoleon's Retreat from Russia. In a huge oval room, the masses file in endless circles, the silence broken by cries for water and the screams of deranged students who find themselves with five 8:00 classes. Under the watchful eye of friendly, efficient, and helpful administrators, students and the computer play a "friendly" version of the Match Game. Watch now as the MOB reenacts what it saw.
Formation: Two ovals
Music: Volga Boat Song
Action: Band marches in circles
Announcer: Today's game marks several historic first [sic], one of which the MOB finds quite remarkable. How often have YOU played and [sic] away game in your own stadium? The MOB has pondered this curious situation for at least thirty seconds and we feel there are two answers:
One — We want the parking receipts,
Two — playing in Rice Stadium would enable the MOB to perform its show in a safe and secure setting, without andy [sic] worry of outside inter—
Loudspeaker: *RIP* then silence
Announcer: [Deep voice] The band will now play Dragnet. [10 second pause] Ladies and gentlemen, the MOB is finished, you enjoyed it, and you wil [sic] now clap. GOOD DAY!!!

Note from Grungy:

The parking space we formed was a diagonal — a big, tilted and inverted "U." The alert driver of the UH big-red-football-helmet-on-a-golfcart drove right into the center of the formation and parked. They showed us up on our own joke, but it got a good laugh from the crowd.

The final bit is in reference to Judge Hofheinz having our script pulled during our '75 UH show in the Astrodome.

[The script] is from either '76 or '77. This is with all the typos (for the website and archives).

Rice vs. University of Houston

The Astrodome — Houston, TX
September 13, 1975

Result: W 24—7

Announcer: From under the tables at Willy's Pub, ladies and gentlemen, the Marching Owl Band!
Announcer: Summer brought many changes to Houston. Why, the Astrodome itself became number two, not to Jay Mark's bald spot, but to New Orleans' Superdome. We now sit in the world's smallest enclosed football stadium, like the Astros: first in war, first in peace, and last in the National League. But trying, very trying.
Formation: 2
Music: When the Saints Go Marching In
Announcer: While crying over our loss of stature, Houstonians can still take pride in the Dome's monumental scoreboard — a wonder of Madison Avenue technology. The Arabs may have all the oil, but it's still a drop in the bucket compared to the world's largest Oil ads.
Formation: Texaco teardrop
Announcer: Yes, it was a bad year all around this summer in the Astrodome. The Astros were so bad, the Lord tried to rain them out. The MOB forms waves and salutes life's small wet spots with "Raindrops Kepp Fallin' on My Head."
Formation: Waves
Music: Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head
Ed. — At this point, Bobby Risinger removed the script from the hands of the announcer, Marc. The audience witnessed the remainder of the musical performance, but did not hear the rest of the script as written.
Announcer: The Dome's problems were a molehill compared to those in the Rockies. Coors wanted to bring its spring brew to the bayou, and Spiro Agnew went to the mountain — shown on the field — to get a license for dealing. He didn't get it. Coors called it "nolo contendere." That says it all.
Formation: Mountain
Music: You've Said It All
Announcer: This show is entirely weak, and the MOB needs its Wheaties. However, the box is empty — no ifs, and or Butz. The wheat's been exiled to Siberia, which is where some would like to send our band. So that's where we'll return, to our breakfast of champions.
Formation: Cereal box
Music: Volga Boat Song

Texas A&M University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
November 15, 1975

Result: L 33—14

"Secret Owl Band"

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, today the MOB pokes fun at... Rice University itself. Presenting the premier performance of the Secret Owl Band — the S.O.B.s!
Action: Band comes out of tunnel under sheets or large parachutes, oozing out to center of field. Attendants remove wraps to reveal band members wearing various Halloween masks.
Announcer: Today's show is a salute to some of the institutions which make up Rice University. The S.O.B.s have formed a large owl, the mascot of the school. It seems that our friends and relatives always give worthless nick-nacks as gifts for all occasions. By the time he graduates, the rice student can amass hundreds of these senseless items. Sometimes it seems that people in the real world never miss a chance to ive us the bird.
Formation: Owl
Music: Theme from Shaft
Announcer: The S.O.B.s now pay tribute to the value of a Rice education. After four years and thousands of dollars, the hopeful graduate goes out into the job market. The band has formed a big dollar and a four-leaf clover, because in the long run, the only way a Rice graduate gets rich is the same way as everyone else — with a little bit of luck!
Formation: $ and four-leaf clover
Music: A Little Bit of Luck
Announcer: The S.O.B.s now salute athletics at Rice. The teams which we field in the Southwest Conference are typical of individuals at Rice — they have their moments of brilliance, but they sometimes tend to collapse under pressure. The band has formed a football, basketball, and baseball. Watch now as these balls lose their hot air.
Formation: Football, basketball, and baseball.
Music: You Gotta Be a Football Hero
Announcer: Finally, the S.O.B.s pause to remember the MOB of years past. Even though they had good intentions, they spent more time in hot water than a teabag. The band, with tongue-in-cheek, has formed the rump of the old MOB. Watch now as they get a chunk removed by their critics.
Formation: A human hindside
Music: Those Were the Days
Announcer: There you have it fans, another season down the tube.
Loudspeaker: Audio clip of toilet flushing
Action: Band runs in circles, exits via tunnel
Announcer: Thank you and good day.

University of Texas – Austin vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
October 26, 1974

Result: L 27—6

"A Few Remarx"

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, this evening, the MOB would like to honor again the humor of Groucho, Harpo, Chico, and Zeppo with a few remarx.
Action: Band comes out to tape
Formation: M[?]
Announcer: There you have it — the remarxable Marxing Owl Band!
Announcer: Whenever a Marching Band pays tribute, they play an appropriate tune and demonstrate how well they can march and countermarch up and down the field. The MOB, trying hard for all the alumni, thus demonstrates their own way to marx and countermarx up and down the field, to the music of — what else? — "Viva Marx!"
Action: MOB does "marxing" show
Announcer: The MOB now salutes the other Marx brother, Kar, by forming a hammer and popsicle (after all, it is a cold war!) and playing a song by Lennon: "Revolution."
Formation: Hammer and popsicle
Music: Revolution
Announcer: The MOB has now formed a football and an academic tower with a clock (at UT they call this a clockwork orange) to salute a famous Marx Brothers movie, the timeless Horsefeathers. Groucho becomes the president of Huxley College, which has had one per year since 1888. (Sound familiar??) Wishing to cast no aspersions, Groucho expounds his own view of football and academics.
Loudspeaker: Audio clip
Formation: Tower
Action: Band plays "Football Hero," knocks off clock.

This concludes our halftime show. Thank you and good night. We now turn the program over to other homecoming activities.

In keeping with MOB tradition, we now present the UT band director, Dr. Vincent DeNino with the LARGEST Groucho face in the world!!!

Texas A&M University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
November 17, 1973

Result: W 24—20

[Later named "The Halftime of Infamy"]

Action: Band lines up on north end of field. Called to attention.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the 1973 Marching Owl Band, or MOB — the only thing funnier than a good Aggie joke. The MOB is directed by Mr. Bert Roth, with twirlers Janet Breston, Suzan McCorkle, Liz Moy, and Karen Blackwell. And, in his last appearance with the MOB today, the person responsible for pulling together the halftime shows this year, Drum Major Bob Hord.
Music: Fanfare
Announcer: Today the MOB salutes Texas A&M and the Aggie band. So to begin, the band will warm up with a little old-fashioned military marching. [in German accent] You will enjoy!
Action: Band goosesteps out to old Germanesque march.
Announcer: Before we go any further into our halftime festivities, the MOB takes time to pay tribute to Mr. Marvin Zindler. [pause] Yes, you heard correctly — the MOB has formed a large chicken thigh, and Marvin Zindler (the most hated man in Lagrange) will twirl to that famous greeting "Hello, Dolly."
Formation: Chicken leg
Music: Hello, Dolly
Announcer: The MOB has formed a famous Senior Boot, the greatest thing to happen to Aggieland since the manure spreader. [pause] Aggie freshmen will agree that at the base of every Senior Boot is a big heel.
Formation: Boot
Music: Get It On
Announcer: The MOB now salutes Reveille, the mascot of the Aggies. This is a little dog with a big responsibility. But even Reveille likes to make that pause that refreshes. [pause] So the MOB has formed a fire hydrant and plays "Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?"
Formation: Fire hydrant
Music: Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?
Announcer: The MOB now salutes the Marching Band from Aggieland by forming their famous marching T. [pause] Watch now as the MOB has it their way.
Formation: T
Music: Bugle call into Aggie War Hymn, transitioning into Little Wooden Soldier March
Announcer: There you have it, fans, the band that never sounds retreat. Thank you and goodbye.
Action: Band runs off while trumpets blow "Retreat"

Baylor University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
December 1, 1973

Result: W 27—0

Action: Band forms in the south tunnel.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, direct from their Thanksgiving vacation in the south end zone tunnel, the most talked about band in the land, the 1973 MOB!
Announcer: Misdirected by Mr. Bert Roth, and under the field leadership of retiring Drum Major Bob Hord, and the new Drum Major for the 1974 football season, George Pharr. Twirlers are Janet Briston, Suzan McCorkle, Liz, Moy, and Karen Blackwell.
Formation: XEROX
Music: I Feel the Earth Move
Announcer: The MOB has spelled out "XEROX," the only thing we know of that can copy something else perfectly. [pause] We really question the value of such a device, however — after all, there's more to life than just reproduction.
Announcer: The MOB wanted to pay tribute to something non-controversial, so they formed a huge zero [pause] and they do a salute to — nothing at all!
Formation: 0
Music: I Got Plenty O' Nuttin'
Announcer: Notice how the MOB has cleverly formed a huge vanilla wafer. [pause] It may be bland, but it's never distasteful.
Formation: Vanilla wafer
Announcer: The MOB climaxes their season with a salute to our new found friend — the Rice Food Service Truck. [pause] After all the times we thought they were trying to poison us, these spunky vehicles came to our aid in a time of great need. [pause] Watch now as the MOB leaves the stadium for the last time. Don't worry, Mom, we'll be home in plenty of time for supper tonight.
Formation: Truck
Music: Theme from EXODUS
Action: MOB marches off in truck formation
Announcer: There you have it, fans: 1973 — the year of the MOB. [pause] Thank you and goodbye until next year!

Clemson University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
September 23, 1972

Result: W 10—29

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the 1972 MOB, the precision marching band with
a mind of its own. Tonight, the MOB salutes the high school bands which competed in the Band Day competition held this afternoon, and recognizes the hard work and time spent in preparing their shows.
Music: Fanfare
Announcer: The MOB does not have time to perfect the complex routines other bands perform. Tonight, however, the MOB will attempt to execute the precision drills of other bands, with a little MOB flavor, of course.
Music: Fight Song
Action: Block marching during Fight Song. Stops in four formations.
Announcer: The MOB has formed four quadrants, and each will march a routine familiar to all: the pinwheel, the circle, the block band, and the diamond drills. The MOB will prove that not only can it do everything, but also it can do everything at the same time. The music? — that old band favorite — "Be Kind to Your Web-Footed Friends."
Music: Be Kind to Your Web-Footed Friends
Announcer: Spell-out drills are popular in many bands, so watch now as the MOB forms its friendly greeting! [Ad-lib commentary on foul-up]
Formation: HELLO
Announcer: The twirlers are the center of attraction in all halftimes, so the MOB pays tribute to its breathtaking beauties — the dropouts of the drop slot. May we have a drum roll please!
Action: Roll bass drum around
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the 1972 MOB twirlers.
Music: Hey Look Me Over
Announcer: No band worth its salt would fail to play the pep song as it leaves the field, so the MOB will now do its part for school spirit.
Music: Bonnet
Action: Exeunt all
Announcer: There you have it, fans: proof that the MOB can do anything other bands do better. In this world of one-upmanship, though, there can be only one MOB! Thank you and good night.

University of Southern California vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
September 18, 1971

Result: L 24—0

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, scattered over the four corners of the Earth: the MOB — the 1971 Marching Owl Band!
Announcer: The MOB has formed a television set, for tonight's show is a sampling of the boob tube's greatest nemesis — the commercial.
Formation: TV
Music: NBC Fanfare
Loudspeaker: The Real Thing
Announcer: 16.57% of all TV commercials are about hair and how to take care of it. Foremost among these is the one in which a young long-hair is sitting in the barber's chair, when his girlfriend enters and says, "You cut one lock of his hair and I'll melt your scissors!" The MOB has appropriately formed a head of long hair and will play the title song from — what else? — the musical Hair.
Formation: Hair
Music: Hair
Loudspeaker: NBC
Announcer: Clean hair, of course, deserves a clean face. Rid your face of unsightly blemishes with OJ's, Clearasil, or the product of your choice. The MOB has formed an acne pimple to play "Put on a Happy Face."
Formation: Pimple
Music: Put on a Happy Face
Loudspeaker: NBC
Announcer: A spotless bathroom bowl is a must in any house. Leaving yours dirty could lead to many complications. The MOB plays "Goin' Outa My Head" while in toilet bowl formation.
Formation: Toilet
Music: Goin' Outa My Head
Loudspeaker: NBC
Announcer: A beer in the hand is worth two in the bush. Or, no football game is really complete without spirit. To commemorate beer commercials, the MOB has formed the world's largest beer can and will play "You've Said It All."
Formation: Beer can
Music: You've Said It All
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, we have said it all — and maybe too much. Thank you and good night!
Action: Exeunt all
Action: Thursday's Children enters field
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the Marching Owl Band takes pleasure in presenting the popular Houston recording group: Thursday's Children!
Music: Soul Shake
Announcer: In honor of our visitors tonight from California, the earthquake state, Thursday's Children will now play the popular Carole King song, "I Feel the Earth Move."
Music: I Feel the Earth Move
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Thursday's Children.
Action: Exit

Texas A&M University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
November 13, 1971

Result: L 18—13

"The State of the Union"

Action: Band called to attention
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, introducing a totally different concept in halftime entertainment: the MOB — the 1971 Marching Owl Band. today the MOB depicts, in its unquestionably unique style, several national problems which currently plague the U.S. The show is entitled "The State of the Union" — and to start it off, the MOB marches to a traditional song of the Union, "Yankee Doodle."
Music: Yankee Doodle
Announcer: Connect the dots, ladies and gentlemen, and you have a map of the United States.
Announcer: The first formation is a hill, and is dedicated to a figure in American politics. Spiro Agnew has been the target of a great deal of kidding since he took office, and in this same good-natured spirit and not one of serious criticism, the MOB dedicates the following song to Mr. Agnew: "The Fool on the Hill."
Formation: Hill
Music: The Fool on the Hill
Announcer: The problem of pollution is acquiring increasing urgency every day. In Houston, the symbol of pollution is the ship channel. The MOB has formed the Houston Ship Channel and now plays "Moon River."
Formation: Ship channel
Music: Moon River
Announcer: The state of the economy is illustrated next. The MOB shows US economic tendencies by forming a dollar bill and playing "Big Spender."
Formation: Dollar bill
Music: Big Spender
Announcer: The effect of the spending policy is shown as the dollar bill is transformed into a cent mark. The plight of the American taxpayer is stated in "I Got Plenty O' Nothin'!"
Formation: ¢
Music: I Got Plenty O' Nothin'
Formation: 46
Announcer: We now direct your attention to a presentation on the field by Bill Whittmore.

Louisiana State University vs. Rice

Rice Stadium — Houston, TX
September 28, 1968

Result: L 21—7

Music: Fast, off-field drum cadence
Action: Majestic entrance
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen... We are proud to present the Rice Owl Band, under the direction of Bert Roth and Chris Colvert. This is the largest marching band Rice University has ever fielded. The "Voice of the Rice Owl Band" is Jon Enloe.
Music: Majestic Fanfare Company Fanfare 5, by E.C. Holland (faster; 15-20 loud musicians)
Announcer: The Drum Major of the band is Norman Lanford: his assistant is David Ammerman. Carolyn Morris and Vicki Pearson are head twirlers; also featuring Jane Hanblen, Dodie Worboys, Debbie Lowe, and Linda Routh. Band President is Pat Campbell, and Tom Revely is Business Manager
Action: Fast step off into drill to Robinson's Grand Entry
Announcer: The Band now steps off into a precision step off drill to the strains of the Karl King March, by Karl King, one of America's best known march composers.
Music: Blues Marquee of Solemn Robinson (end)
Announcer: The Band would now like to pay tribute to Mr. Kit Reid, second director of the Rice Band, from 1938 to 1950. While Kit was a student at Rice, he earned his letter "R" in pole vault and track competition. During the Big Band Era, Kit played with the bands of Benny Goodman, Joe Venuti, and Bob Crosby. He was also a member of the Houston Symphony for over 20 years, but his real love was helping younger people. Kit Reid, Jr. is playing his father's favorite song, "When the Saints Go Marchin' In." We of the Rice Band and all of Rice University deeply appreciate the years of service Kit devoted here.
Music: When the Saints Go Marchin' In (solo trumpet — Kit Reid, Jr.)
Music: We're in the Money (brighter, start in earnest)

The Band forms a "UF" for United Fund to remind you that the fund drive is now in progress and needs your help. Please support this worthy cause.

Announcer: And now, another public service announcement: according to the Rice Band, the exact time is [read off marquee]... And the time is now [add one minute].
Music: My Hands (slower, tongue in cheek)
Announcer: And the temperature on the field is [marquee] degrees Fahrenheit. And the temperature on the field is [marquee] degrees Centigrade. [Exact temp: 77F, Blue Skies]
Music: fast Signature Bonnet
Announcer: Thank you, ladies and (not gentle) men, and now for another 30 minutes of football action. (Traditional)
the rest is a blur...